“Do not try to fight a lion if you are not one yourself.” – African Proverb
It is no secret that the heightened pace of living has swept many of us into a whirlwind of responsibilities and obligations as we strive to keep up. We are living as if everyone else is in direct competition with us. We wake up each day with a sense that others are behind us, catching up – and they are moving at a pace even faster than ours, as if they are trying to overtake us. It is not surprising we feel we have so little time to do all that we have to do – the reason we are working harder and faster, so that we can be ahead of all the others.
Sadly, the strategy many of us have adopted to thrive in this demanding and fast-paced environment is a keen sense of comparison. We are in a constant state of comparing our lives to that of others, and thus constantly making all kinds of assumptions which place us in a sort of ‘limbo of life that is neither ours nor theirs’. The worst part of this attitude is we are quick to criticise ourselves. So much so, we have nurtured habits about holding ourselves accountable for not putting in enough effort or working smart to be ahead of others. It’s as if when we do not criticise ourselves, the world will perceive us as daft.
While self-criticism has its place in growth of the self, our proficiency in it has become so deep we are falling into the trap of excessive self-judgment – which sounds and feels like self-punishment. This is a perilous attitude that can usher-in feelings of depression and a decline in performance. In such moments, we may even lose motivation for wanting to make the world a better place. The poor taste of this self-critiquing life is that we want to behave like machines, always on and in efficiency mode. That is why many of us often prioritise external demands over our own needs. What many of us forget is that machines do not have fulfilling lives.
The way out of this folly is to practice self-care. It is an attitude that reminds us we are not machines but human, with emotions, vulnerabilities and limitations. Self-care is like a soothing melody in the chaos of life. It is a commitment we need as individuals to personalise and nurture our well-being, both in body and mind. We need to learn to take care of ourselves if we want to take care of others. At least, that is the fundamental reason we ascribe for our machine-like attitude.
We need to care about the different aspects of ourselves, including our intelligence, physical bodies, emotions and spiritual health. Whichever way you look at it, self-care is an act of loving ourselves so that we can love others better. It is an acknowledgment that to care for others we must first care for ourselves. It’s like the safety instructions on an airplane – secure your own oxygen mask before helping others. By filling our own cup, we have more to offer those we love and the world around us.
There are some who perceive self-care as selfishness. We need to understand that being selfish has nothing to do with care for the self. The latter is an investment in our physical, mental and emotional health. It is a pause in the relentless pursuit of goals; a moment to breathe, to check in with ourselves. It is akin to taking a walk to clear your mind, or a warm bath to feel refreshed; or reading a good book to generate that good feeling, or simply saying ‘no’ when we need to.
In a fast-paced world, the way out of preventing burnout, stress and the erosion of our well-being is through self-care. We need to make a conscious choice to prioritise self-renewal, so that we are always in the best state of mind and body. It’s about setting boundaries and practicing self-compassion in order to replenish our strength, regain perspective, and find clarity. Self-care is being our own best friend and offering ourselves kindness in times of self-doubt. It is also about forgiving ourselves for our mistakes and failings, and learning from them as a growth stimulant.
Self-care won’t eliminate all your challenges, but it will help you become ‘uncynical’ to be a hope-giving force, and to be a steward of substance. It will enlighten you to make the choice of lifting people and places up and not to lower them down, because in lifting yourself up you will unconsciously be lifting the world up. It will empower you to cultivate a value system that lifts you out of the demoralising state of always being in competition with others, and you will be worthier of your own life…
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Kodwo Brumpon is a partner at Brumpon & Kobla Ltd., a forward-thinking Pan African management consultancy and social impact firm driven by data analytics – with a focus on understanding the extraordinary potential and needs of organisations and businesses to help them cultivate synergies which catapult them into their strategic growth and certify their sustainability.
Comments, suggestions and requests for talks and training should be sent to him at kodwo@brumponand kobla.com
