Building a happy life

…The practice of a sage fellow 

With a few days to end the year 2022, it is important we sit down to take stock of our lives. Yes, a deeper introspection or appraisal is needed! Indeed, self-evaluation is one of the greatest keys to personal, corporate and institutional growth. A wise person wanting to enjoy a happy life strives to make a few changes in his priority-living in order to make the most important decision(s) ever. A few days ago, a protégé asked me a few questions on how to build a happy life. In responding to his questions, I said: “The peaceful state of one’s mind (happiness) is a relative subject matter”. The reason is that what makes one happy may differ from one community to another. However, there are some universally-putative principles which result in total happiness in one’s life.

These are spirituality, intuitive soul-searching; being organised and learning to be disciplined in our approach. After our discussion, I realised that the subject matter of happiness calls for holistic or an all-inclusive consumption. In other words, wisdom demands that if you have good information you respectfully share in making lives better. Thus, I present to all of us these four (4) basic principles for making our society better, more especially as we prepare to welcome the year 2023.

1. Get Connected to the Source of Life

Life has been defined by several academics from different perspectives. However, I define life as ‘the event and processes that characterise existence’. The event is when one is born, which of course happens once. The processes are biological growth, intellectual growth, financial intelligence, social development and spiritual development. In fact, life in itself is insignificant without the source of life. This means our survival is impossible without the support of our Creator – God.

Everything created is connected to its source. Take a live fish for example. Without its adaptability to two (2) molecules of hydrogen and a molecule of oxygen, it loses its breath. Hence, a live fish enjoys being in a river as its main source of life. It suggests that a different environment outside the familiarity of this aquatic habitation of the fish is of no essence to its survival. This teaches about being in the right occupancy, habitation or environment.

Correspondingly, the growth of plants teaches us about the power of intimacy or connectivity. Uproot a plant from the soil and, within a few days, it inevitably dies off. This biological analogy applies to man’s existence. Without any link to the source of life, we cease to exist. Certainly, some may argue from an atheistic or nonbelieving point of view that without God they are still better off.

Interestingly, the truth is those people are actually empty within as their belief is entwined with unending discoveries about science. Few things are more distressing to the human spirit than the thought that life has no meaning without its source. On the other hand, a person with a relationship with God has a clearly defined purpose in life. That is the real meaning of life. Knowing God makes you enjoy a happy life. It means that the act of having faith in God, intertwined with the principles of God, inevitably makes one more contented with life.

Victor E. Frankl, a neurologist and a Holocaust survivor wrote: “There is nothing in the world, I venture to say, that would so effectively help one to survive even the worst conditions as the knowledge that there is a real meaning in one’s life”. By contrast, some who believe in the theory of evolution teach that there is no ultimate meaning in life – hence no need to look for any external source of life. Really, the most logical way to discover the purpose in life is to get connected to the source of life – God. Most people lead a reckless or irresponsible life. They see themselves as their own god. Their confidence, power and source of protection are in some strange rings they wear, and the social connection they have built with other outlandish individuals in society.

It is interesting to know the way some view life. There is a higher Spirit, yearning for connection with His creatures. Make yourself available to Him and not any superficial element of nature which does not give eternal life. Get connected to the redeemer of life through Christ. By this connection, I’m not making reference to only church attendance or the number of prayer sessions people join on social media platforms. I’m however, making reference to building an intimate relationship with God in our privacy which repeatedly shows on our relationship with our fellow humans as well. Check the lives of all spiritually-sensitive persons and you shall identify their impact on the lives of others. So, get to know God for yourself.

2. Do Intuitive Soul-Searching

Are you always blaming people for the problems that confront you on a daily basis? Do you prove people wrong in every situation? Do you have that urge of superiority complex that makes you think you are ahead of others in all endeavours of life? Do you feel too big to be corrected? This is where the problem comes from. Happy people know their frailties and make quick changes where necessary.

There is a serious reality-check to be done within our inner-self. Most people fail to analyse their way of life. We are so busy with life’s activities that only a few people make time to identify their strengths and weaknesses. What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? Where there are weaknesses, look for better ways to deal with them; otherwise, at the least incitement your real ‘beast’ (negative part) comes out to degrade your peculiarity. Most people consistently fall in the same mistakes over and over, and finally land into wrong hands. When anger controls one’s life, he/she wants to make declarations that make their ‘supposed offenders’ feel they are better instead of assessing their actions.

Flow-mode thinking is the most appropriate soul-searching mode, especially when it comes to listening to our inner-self in a quiet mood. That practice helps a person to identify his/her mistakes and devise means to correct them.  Until we practice flow-mode thinking, we will continue to make the same mistakes in our lives. As part of the flow-mode thinking process, you can ask yourself the following questions:

1. What is wrong with the way I react to situations? If we continuously think others are wrong in their approach while we are right, wisdom eludes us. Most times, we are our own enemies since most problems are created by our negligence and self-opinionated approach to life. If we analyse issues from our self-centred perspective, the outcome will continually be wrong.  Have a broader view in all your ways; that makes you a level-headed person.

2. Why do good people run away from my life? Sit back and ask yourself about the way you treat people. If you treat them properly with good words, you will attract their support. As a corporate executive officer, if you handle your subordinate(s) with respect the latter’s best performance definitely affects productivity level at the workplace. If you don’t see the best in people, their unconventionality or originality will be hindered from your eyes. Until you gloss over your predicament and pride, you shall never see the good side of life. So, instead of labelling people as unkind and unfair to you, ask what you can change in your life to keep good people around you.

3. How do I respond to issues in life? I know of a young man who gets angry at the least prodding, then tinkles or smashes his mobile phone or any nearest object. To him, until such an action is completed he doesn’t become satisfied. In psychology, that kind of tantrum or emotional imbalance results in psychoanalytic depression. It takes tactfulness in managing the ego of such people. How do you manage your emotions in a state of uncertainty? It takes humility and brokenness to accept your negativity or lack of enthusiasm before help can easily reach out to you. Until you learn to do so, you will always blame life’s circumstances and good people for withdrawing from your environment. That is the reason why extreme anger is a dangerous emotional belt.

Extreme anger destroys a person’s life. It makes him/her live in a mental prison, thereby dragging issues of no relevance to an abysmal depth. In my encounter with several thousands of people, I have seen how anger has torn several lives apart. The reason is that any aggravation of emotions sparks off a hasty but immature decision without exercising restraints. Anger has caused most people to run ahead of their destiny, as a result of taking unparalleled decisions to the disadvantage of their timely blessings. It is so sad! In our moments of economic, social and mental challenges, we must learn to be patient.

4. How do I relate with my colleagues at the workplace? Do you bypass a colleague without greeting him or her? Again, do you sit with friends to ‘crucify’ people, yet when you meet them you pretend to be friends? It’s better to do constructive criticism than destructive ones. Talk about issues that need greater concern instead of weighing down personalities because of hatred or dislike for them. Personally, I don’t waste my energy on destructive criticism. In my personal engagement with people, I believe love wins in every situation. That is the reason why l love people regardless of their age, creed, gender or location.

5. In the field of delivering information, what method do I use in teaching? Most have forgotten that the modern way of teaching has become more interactive with our students. That one-sided way of teaching whereby the instructor continuously ‘pumps’ information into the learner’s head without the latter’s input is completely out of date. Students’ input through individual class   presentation, group presentation and an input from the instructor are among the best ways of teaching and learning in today’s era.

6. The final questions are: What channel do l use to dispense my depression? What medium do I use to communicate with people? Do I hide behind my mobile phone to send hurting messages to people in order to release myself from aberrant frustration? Is it the right way?

If you have issues with people, possibly make an effort to meet them on a personal level in order to resolve them. At least, it is better than allowing your moroseness to steal your joy. People who can harbour resentment or extreme thoughts for several months and years are dreadful to move with. Such an attitude steals a person’s peace of mind. The only way to enjoy a happy life is to free your mind from worries. You are your own enemy. The mind, if not well-trained, can be your most disparaging weapon. So, fill your mind with good information instead of thoughts that make your behaviour so absurd or irrational.

Growing up, l learned this principle from my father while addressing an audience in the city of London. He said, “Let go and allow the gift of peace to easily saturate your mind”. From a younger age, I gripped hold of that statement to make me properly relate with people. In fact, that is the secret of my happiness in life and which makes me live a bitter-free life. You too can stay away from unnecessary talking and have an open heart toward people, regardless of their unfamiliar attitudes. The change of happiness you so desire starts with intuitive soul-searching. When intuitive soul-searching is effectively done in our lives and approach to our work schedules, the best results will always meet us on our life’s journey.

In a pensive mood? Take five (5) minutes of your time and ask yourself a lot of questions about your life and your relationship with others. Where you are wrong, be bold enough to make some changes and move on to the next phase of your life.

3. Be Organised

The arrangement of things in a pleasant manner is what suitable organisation is about. Most happy people are well-organised in their lives. They know the different compartments or sections in their lives, and give each one equal attention. They make time for their family, corporate work/business, financial investment, academic growth, personal growth and also their spiritual growth. If you consistently make your home an extension of your corporate work or school work, you will have continuous issues in your family life.

Do all your corporate work at the office and determine not to carry additional workload to your home. When you are at home it must be you, your spouse and your children. Give your family quality time, if not quantity of your time. Remember, at home your family must be your topmost priority.  Let your spouse also know your friends. To avoid doubts and uncertainties at home, quickly introduce your close friends to your spouse so any conversation with any of them won’t raise unnecessary tension in the house. Learn to be open to your spouse and enjoy your marriage. That’s the wisdom of an organised person.

Being organised also means we appear decent in our dressing. In a college-setting for example, it is ‘suicidal’ on the part of an instructor to be scruffily or dingily dressed, especially before his or her students. Your untidy way of dressing speaks a lot about your personality. So, make some changes in your appearance. In addition, determine not to wear any dress that exposes sensitive parts of your body to your students.

Your appearance speaks volumes about your disposition. A tight dress worn by a female instructor that excessively exposes their cleavage doesn’t fit the teaching profession. A short, straight dress that exposes your thighs to your students is unpleasant. In fact, that kind of dress destabilises the thoughts of spongy students who have issues with lustful or licentious desires. An organised instructor is a role-model to his or her students by all standards. So, our outward appearance speaks a lot about our eccentricity.

4. Learn to Be Disciplined

I define discipline as “doing what naturally you wouldn’t have liked to do”. Our body system desires comfort and an easy life at all times. It takes a disciplined person not to compromise on their integrity. You should have a philosophy that guides your life. What are your core values in life?  Do you consider humility, love, hard work, peace, truthfulness and empathy as your core values in life? What do you stand for? Is it destructive gossip, pride, lies, jealousy, hypocrisy or greed? Are we so power-drunk that we would use any false means to have our heart’s desire? Don’t we think that it is better to sit up to make a few changes in our lives?

Any false means to have your heart’s desire defeats your decent philosophy in life. Whatever we do, it must be guided by a set of principles. “What is not yours should not be used. And what is yours should be well-guarded and cherished.” That is what I learnt from my late father. In my early teens, one of the principles I also learnt from my science teacher was the principle of “I did it on my own”. One day, while teaching us in class, this kind teacher paused for a while to advise the entire science class.

Our teacher said: “ln any examination setting, it is wrong for an instructor or invigilator to enter the hall with a solved question paper for any student to copy”. He said such an act deflates the personality of both the student and the instructor. That teacher taught us to be selfless and independent in our approach to life’s vicissitudes. Indeed, he taught us the consequences of examination malpractices and their aberrant implications on life’s choices. This act of discipline has guided our steps till now.  

Today, out of the 34 science students our teacher advised on personal integrity, 15 are top-notch medical doctors and scientists in this nation and abroad; 10 are pharmacists, telecommunication experts, entrepreneurs and hospital administrators; 7 are brilliant academics and researchers; and 2 are great businessmen in the United States of America. We have all become good products from the kindness and thoughtfulness of a good teacher. One day, wouldn’t you be glad to see your students honour you like this? As a matter of principle, we should ask ourselves exactly what we want to achieve in life. We should also ask ourselves if we guide our students to use the right methods to take an examination.

One day, while speaking to a group of students in one of the colleges in Kumasi, Rev. Prof. Francis Agyemang-Yeboah (Prof. FAY) – former vice-dean of the School of Medical Sciences (SMS) KNUST, made a remarkable statement that etched my mind. Almost everyone present at the meeting was also exhilarated by his presentation.

He said: “I will always applaud the effort of a student in an examination hall who independently works hard to produce grade B or A in a subject, rather than the one who uses crude methods to produce grade A for recognition. Imagine how our society would be if our students in general are taught to do independent work in an examination hall. They will surely produce excellent grades. However, if they are assured an inflow of answers into the examination room from Machiavellian or cunning sources, we weaken their conscience and self-confidence level”.

In my opinion, this is one of the most profound statements from an unprejudiced scholar that produces mental growth. Selah! (Pause and think). In fact, educators should weigh their way of handling their students and guide them to be disciplined.

As a nation, we should begin to assess our commitment to development of all sectors in the economy. It takes self-discipline to make our nation greater and stronger. Emerging economies like Singapore and Malaysia have applied this principle of self-discipline to build better structures for their nations. I believe we can equally do same to make ours better.

Conclusion

Do you want to build a happy life? I’m of the view that these four basic principles we have discussed can help you be the person you want to be. Gratitude, they say, is the attitude that lifts up one’s altitude. So, be grateful for where you are today and work hard to be at the other side of happiness. Congratulations! I wish you the best!

Grab copies of the writer’s books from Kingdom Bookshop, KNUST, Kumasi; and in Accra contact: Mrs. Justina Asempa (Phoenix Insurance, Ringway Estates, Osu) on 0244 20 88 43; and Pastor Stephen Gyamfi (ICGC, Asylum Down, 054 679 7323). In Obuasi, contact: Sammy on 024 773 78 11.

The writer is an Academic, Visiting Lecturer, Leadership Consultant and a Reverend Minister with the WordSprings City Church, Kumasi-Ghana.

Email: [email protected]