Sybil Shaibu column: Is it your Circus?


One characteristic that makes us human is our innate desire to help others. Human as we are the tendency for us to love and care for others in need, stands out as one of our key attributes as a people. Well so can’t be said of all people, but some and if I may say most people try to help out when the need arises. With that said there’s the need to also touch on that part of our humanity that tends to make some people opportunist. They see that you’re fond of coming to their aid hence they make it a habit of always positioning themselves to that advantage.

It’s normal to want to reach out to help when you find someone in need, but there’s a twist to it. I have personally had numerous instances where my attempt at help turned out differently. And by differently, I mean things went south and in the end I was left feeling like the villain. As a result, I’ve learnt to be selective when it comes to whom to help and what situation to intervene in.

People have a certain sense of entitlement which tends to make them feel that though you’re helping them resolve issues you had no hand in, you ought to be at their beck and call. Their actions more or less says if you don’t intervene then I’m not seeing this through.

How people arrive at this notion is in itself is mind blowing to say the least. Why should the help being meted out be made to look like an obligation? What we as a people need to understand is that each individual doesn’t owe the other anything! As such don’t expect anything from anyone, just accept the kind of help the other person in capable of giving.

We all can attest that we each can be of help to others; however this help comes in various forms and capacities. Choosing to help someone is a decision on its own, so don’t fault someone for not lending a helping hand. Help is help, regardless of what anyone might think of it, so don’t make people regret the kind of help they give. It can be very discouraging to make someone feel like the help they’re giving is not appreciated. This is why personally I’m careful whom I decide to help before I attempt to reach out to offer my help.

It can be very frustrating when you go out of your way to help and your help is literally thrown back in your face. No one deserves to be treated that way, as such when someone wants to bring you into their drama, the best thing is to have that attempt rerouted. We live in times where you can easily find yourself being dragged into people’s mess all in the name of helping out. Social media does that so easily, when people tag you in their post and you’re tempted to comment. Many a time if care isn’t taken you realize that you tend to be added to whatever drama that’s ongoing.

Once I find that I’m being dragged into something I didn’t bargain for, I quickly call the person to order. We all need to set boundaries by being confident and Speaking up, standing your ground and being assertive. And most importantly learning to mind our business, being dragged into other people’s drama is so draining.

Walking away from things that constantly drain you physically, mentally or emotionally is a form of rest. And if by so doing you lose people don’t apologize. People come and go, sometimes those who come just come for a while. When they go, you just have to let them go. Pay attention to whom your energy increases and decreases around, because that’s the universe giving you a hint of who you should embrace or stray from.

You only have so much emotional energy each day, don’t fight battles that don’t matter.

Learn to choose your battles wisely, not everything is worth your time and effort.

This month of May, anytime you feel yourself being pulled into other people’s drama,repeat these words……



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