Sybil Shiabu column: What are you saying to yourself?


It’s said that the one person you would speak to more than anyone in your life time will be yourself. And that’s because you spend more time with yourself than with anyone else. As a result of that you develop your own personalized vocabulary and much of “your-self” talk is centered on that. What I have come to realize is that due to that fact that no one else partakes in these talks with self, we tend to sometimes develop the habit of abusing ourselves.

That however shouldn’t be the case, you need to be your own number one fan, at the same time critic. And it’s for that reason that, there are something’s you should never say to yourself if you want to be happy.

I have put together Self Talk pointers which I have tagged, things that you should never say to yourself. (Self Talk No No’s).

Self Talk No-No #1-“I’m not worthy”

For many of us it’s a daily affirmation we make and it’s bad, do you know why? As cliché as it sounds we become what we repeatedly say to ourselves. So if you’ve done something that made you feel unworthy, that’s just a one event. I’m sure if we decide to take record you have a whole lot of achievements that qualify you to be worthy of any and every good thing this life has to offer you. So Yes! You’re worthy, if not you who?

Self Talk No-No #2-“I’m a failure”

No one has everything all figured out and when you come to understand this you need to cut yourself some slack. Failure is a part of life so don’t take it personal. You loose some and you win some, so rather than telling yourself you’re a failure, rather focus on the wins. You’re not a failure, you’re a winner.

Self Talk No-No #3-“I’m so stupid”

I have come to the realization that stupid people never admit to it. We’re human and bound to make some mistakes one way or the other. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have what it takes to make hence you’re stupid. It’s horrendously damaging so please stop it, if you want to be happy.

Self Talk No-No #4-“I can’t do it”

Life is tough, so don’t talk down on yourself, rather tell yourself you can. Keep saying it daily and it will strengthen you to get through those difficult days when you feel you can’t do it.

Self Talk No-No #5- “I’m too(Whatever)”

I’m old, I’m too tired, I’m not qualified and the list goes on. The moment you succumb to these you let go and loose out on what could have been. Each day we’re faced with the decision of whether or not to allow such dark talk have their way or not. I hope for the sake of your happiness you choose to give yourself a chance.

Self Talk No-No #6- “I shouldn’t have done this”

Yes you shouldn’t have, but you did, big deal. Please move on and stop beating yourself up about it. Only you can make you happy and constantly talking down on yourself would not make you happy. “In reality, other people liking you is a bonus. You liking yourself is the real price. So go easy on yourself when you find that you did wrong, but move on and learn from your mistakes.

Who you are today is a reflection of the thoughts you’ve been thinking, the actions you’ve taken and the words that have been coming out of your mouth. Erasing these kind of thoughts will make room for the kind of healthy habits that will allow you to become the person you’ve always dreamed of being.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent, don’t give yourself that consent either. Yes each day will come with all manner of challenges, struggles, trials, tough days and extremely difficult times. But through it all…….

Crawling is acceptable

Falling is acceptable

Crying is acceptable

Pain is acceptable

Giving up on yourself is not.

“Your self” talk is perhaps the most important key to the person you’re becoming


What do you have to say to yourself?

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