“The proud person looks everywhere and does not know what to look for. The humble person looks for one thing and sees everything” – African Proverb.
We are all shaped by our experiences and surroundings, whether we realise it or not. This is why we do not all see the world or people in the same way. What is good for you might not necessary sit well with some others. Our perspectives depend on how much we know about it. However, knowledge alone is not enough to deeply affect us.
While it helps us understand, it is our heart that fully engages our mind, body, and soul. And the responses we give to what we are experiencing comes from all that we have conceived from our childhood and beyond. Positive experiences make us more open, while negative ones can lead to prejudice.
This realisation should make us adopt a humbler posture in our interactions with each other. Common sense tells us no one has a complete view of life and the world. This is true especially with respect to our understanding of other people’s emotions and whatever challenges that they are going through. Too often, too many of us, whilst striving with all good intentions to empathise with others are quick to conclude that we understand what others are going through. This is in spite of the fact that empathy is often difficult because it requires us to step outside of our own perspectives and emotions to fully understand and share the feelings of another person.
Indeed, we need not look too far. Let us take the example of bereavement. Whenever we hear that someone is bereaved, many of us are quick to assume we can empathise because we may have lost someone in the past. That is only partly true. We forget that losing a parent is different from losing a spouse or a child or a sibling.
The feelings associated with each is totally different, not forgetting the depth of the relationship they had with their loved ones, and the mental, as well as the financial state of the person experiencing the loss. There are many factors that always comes into play in any scenario, so even though we might have gone through something similar, we always need to approach with caution.
The other side of the story is that sometimes, our own challenges and stresses can cloud our appreciation of a situation. They can be so overwhelming that they take up most of our emotional and mental energy, leaving little room to consider the real feelings and challenges of others. This self-focus can make empathising extremely difficult. It is an absorption that comes about because many of us assume the things we like and those things that make us feel good; are basically the best that life has to offer.
Thus, the surprising majority amongst us equate what we ‘like’ as the measure of what life is; and what life should be. This notion is further being fuelled by the ‘rights’ and ‘entitlements’ trends of social media. Not only does that make our efforts at appreciating issues and events difficult, but it also inspires a competitive attitude which often leads to us shouting louder and finding ways to powerfully impose our wills.
Nevertheless, we can change all this. It starts with us working with the premise that our role in life is to live right and well with everyone else. This will empower us to live not according to our dictates, nor that of those we admire, but seek a holistic understanding of events and issues as they happen, and to do so with compassion and empathy.
It is an attitude that serves as an open invitation that gently nudges us to really appreciate the diversity in our experiences and the courage to respond with docility by keeping our ‘know-it-all’ attitude aside and holding off our reservations. It helps us to give credit and recognition to another person’s aspirations, pains and struggles, and through the process, we help him to drop their defences and open themselves up to receive our help.
Being humble enables us to open our hearts and the hearts of others. It is an attitude that opens our minds to not just events and issues in their right perspectives, but we see greater things and possibilities. So, let us truly humble ourselves, in our thoughts, words and actions. All in all, it will empower us to see ourselves as we are and inspire us to become better. The change in us will impart the relationships and energies around us. And the rippling effect will transform other relationships positively until gradually lots of individuals start living right and well. It is our humility that can bring about the change that we truly seek…
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Kodwo Brumpon is an executive coach at Polygon Oval, a forward-thinking Pan African management consultancy and social impact firm driven by data analytics, with a focus on understanding the extraordinary potential and needs of organisations and businesses to help them cultivate synergies, that catapults into their strategic growth, and certifies their sustainability.
Comments, suggestions, and requests for talks and training should be sent to him at [email protected]
