JEALOUSY… the ancient enemy of progress

Upon careful interactions with different people from different psychosocial backgrounds, I have come to the conclusion that most of the problems most professionals face in their work emanates from their own colleagues. A detailed introspection into most of the challenges people have may be from the people they work with.

The demon called, jealousy is at work everywhere looking for ways and means to scatter, deceptively accuse, destroy and bring down people. I go by a principle in life that I am content with what I have without being in any superfluous competition with someone. I believe I can do all things by my inbuilt ability from the Almighty. I certainly want to defend veracity or honour authenticity regardless of what people think about the situation. This is the legacy I inherited from my late father.  When we begin to understand our unconventionality or peculiarity, unnecessary emotional tension or jealousy will have no place in our hearts.

Once, I consulted a distant acquaintance about someone I wanted to invite as a resource person for a managerial assignment.  His feedback was so damaging that I thought that resource person was off-the-bar. Later, upon investigation, I realized that this distant acquaintance was only jealous about the kind of invitation to the said resource person.

Upon personal observation, only a few people are able to genuinely appreciate the value of others. Hatred, contention, strive, false accusation and lies, are all from the spirit of jealousy. My late father used to say: “We live in a world where most people wear friendly faces but carry a dangerous heart.” This statement makes a lot of sense to the mind. The attitudes people portray will definitely prove the kind of people they are. Looking at the various fields of endeavours proves my point of uneasiness among a lot of people.

The spirit of jealousy is so powerful. In the church, it dwells among many pastors. In the corporate world, unnecessary rivalries to outwit competitors prove this demon called jealousy. In the world of politics, the desire to use propaganda to bring down good policies will all inform us as a people on how dangerous political opponent can be. In the world of journalism, most selfish media persons use false reportage to scarph the eyes of people from making informed choices. Even in the family setting, rivalry among siblings will all shock you to question the demon called jealousy. Most at time, because we fail to identify our various unique strengths, we have no idea that we complement each other with our exclusivity or individuality.

Can I personally ask you a few questions? What becomes your attitude when your colleague pastor is doing well in ministry? Do you congratulate such a person or you stand behind the pulpit to demean him or her? Remember that it is evil and unethical to use the pulpit as a battlefield. The pulpit is a sacred place of love and divine instruction.

What becomes your state when a close corporate executive does better than you in the areas of marketing, strategic planning and timely implementation process, branding, etc.?

At the workplace, what statement do you pass on selfless workers who have high respect among their colleagues? Is your statement a sarcastic one or a pleasing statement, devoid of emotional uneasiness to inspire group members to a common goal?

You worry yourself over unnecessary stuffs if your heart bleeds with grumbling or constant arguments over frivolous issues. Constructive criticism is better than destructive criticism. Constructive criticism is objective and opens the eyes of people to two sides of the coin. On the contrary, destructive criticism emanates out of envy with its ripple effects of hatred, lies and false accusation.

In life, there will always be someone who is better than you in several ways. Equally, you may also have something (a gift, talent, skill, etc.) others may not have. So, why put yourself under unnecessary stress?

Until we learn to deal with the spirit of jealousy, nothing good will ever come our way. Show me a great man with material possessions, skills and influence and I will also show you a great man with a good heart devoid of jealousy. Check your heart. Is it clean? If after further ‘diagnosis,’ you have this ‘heart disease’(jealousy), tell God to help you cast it out!

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, ‘Jealousy is a feeling of unhappiness caused by wanting what someone else has.’ It is therefore an emotional imbalance which is necessitated by severe anger. Under such a condition one becomes hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage. Jealousy can also be defined as a complex emotion that encompasses feelings ranging from suspicion to rage to fear to humiliation. It strikes people of all ages, genders and sexual orientations and is most typically aroused when a person perceives a threat to a valued relationship from a third party. The threat may be real or imagined. This definition is according to www.psychologytoday.com.

The causes of jealousy may be variegated from one space to another. However, the chief among the causes may include low self-esteem, high neuroticism, fear of abandonment, and feeling possessive of others, particularly among friends, colleagues or even romantic partners. If you are unable to address this emotional tendency, that means you are under a severe emotional disease which needs total cure.

Let’s do further analysis of our heart condition if jealousy is at its centre stage. What becomes your state on hearing of the elevation of a friend, partner or a colleague at the workplace who is duly qualified for promotion? Do you become happy, sad or extremely uncomfortable as you perceive that person’s elevation as a threat to your image? When you intentionally refuse to comment on the achievement of a friend, relation or a colleague, you are wearing the garment of jealousy. What becomes the state of your heart when a friend posts a photo of her marriage anniversary, new car, new home, her new multi-purpose office facility, new company or her new baby?

Do you wish him or her well or you gloss over it without making an open comment? Do you see that image as a show-off style or you look at the image from a different perspective to share in his or her happiness? Weigh issues from a broader perspective? That’s what I learnt from my late father in my teenage. Instead of being mute, break that shell of jealousy and genuinely compliment people for their new achievements.

What becomes your expression, when a friend, colleague or a classmate displays his or her graduation pictures on social media? Do you wish them well, or out of anger and pride you decide to shun it? Snubbing that image rather hunts you. The truth is, we are creatures of words and words, wisely used set us free from uneasiness. The uneasiness some people exhibit when someone close to them does well is the reason why there is no progress in their lives either.

Remember that, jealousy as an emotional tendency steals one’s confidence and paralyzes one’s thoughts in becoming negative towards people. In life, some people will always do better than you. In terms of capacity and strength, we are not the same regardless of being equal before our Creature. Whether you like it or not, others will excel better than you. However, believe that you also have a gift to offer the world.

Our assignments are different. Our missions are different. Some can lead 5,000 people. Others, 2,000 whilst others can lead 1,000 people or less. Yes, we are the same but with different capacities and functions. Until you value what you also have, the projection of others will ‘kill’ you.

Today, ask God to take away jealousy from your heart. It weakens your immune system and finally cuts short your life. The only way to be out of jealousy is to be honest about your feelings and directly address any underlying issues such as inequality within the relationship or personal feelings of inadequacy.  Being honest therefore means that you need a good therapist to help you deal with those negative reactions.

Second, learn to genuinely appreciate people for their exploits whilst trusting God for your time.

Third, be neutral in your debate when you hear people running down other people who are excelling in their field of endeavour.  Have a neutral mindset in your deliberations especially when people gossip or run down selfless and good people. Be bold enough to defend selfless people you truly know of their worth. Speak well of such people and never allow negative words from other jealous people to ruin your life.

Furthermore, let people know you genuinely love them. This you do by sharing in their new achievement(s) through congratulatory messages, liking or commenting on their achievements and sincerely telling them, how proud you are of their present level. Don’t be a bad person who divides people by your hypocritical, duplicitous and sardonic statements.

Finally, walk with a clean heart and have no evil intention against anyone. It is this heart of openness that makes you feel comfortable, without any tension whenever you meet your supposed antagonist.

The writer is an Academic, Visiting Lecturer and a Reverend Minister with the WordSprings City Church, Kumasi – Ghana.

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