Dial a Counselor with Sybil Shaibu: Do you have values?


Recently in a conversation with a friend, a statement he made really struck a chord. So apparently some time back a female friend of his used to supply him with porn. I almost bit my tongue because this friend whom I happen to also know belongs to a religion where they’re not permitted to watch TV! Yeah! I didn’t even know that, I know the religion didn’t permit makeup, jewelry etc.

But TV! That was new to me. My friend and I both laughed about the irony of the whole thing. Well, since we (my friend and i) aren’t privy to the foundations of that religion. We just assumed that the rationale of no TV was meant to shield them from negative influence of TV.

The irony however is that now there’s the internet and so she can afford to be the supplier of porn to my friend. Though the conversation with my friend had ended, the entire conversation kept on lingering in my thoughts. In this part of our world people are born into or should I say brought up into things they don’t have a say in. I was born into a Christian family, specifically Methodist. Along the line my mum defected to charismatic. And being the typical African society, I had no say as I was made to tag along with her. I’m sure most of you can relate with this.

So, I ask, why do you ascribe to the values that you do? Why do you believe the cultural practices, or those traditions? Trust me when I say that I’m personally still going through that process of reevaluating my values.

What are Values?

Values are the basic and fundamental beliefs that guide or motivate attitudes or actions. They help us determine what is important to us. Values describe the personal qualities we choose to embody to guide our actions, the sort of person we want to be, the manner in which we treat ourselves and others, and our interaction with the world around us.

I’ve come to realize that when it comes to values it’s not cut in stone, neither is it a one size fits all approach. And that’s because each one of us is different and what matters to each one is relative. It is relational in the sense that what one person values may not be what another person values.

Values are the motive behind purposeful action. Personal values are personal beliefs about right and wrong and may or may not be considered moral.

There are generally three main types of values, namely:

  1. Character Values-These are the general values that you require to live as a good person. They are also the basic characteristics that employers look out for when employing people. Examples of such character values include;-loyalty, commitment, positive attitude, respect etc.
  2. Work Values-These values aid you identify what you want in a job and give you job satisfaction. It is especially important to know what your work values are so as to succeed professionally. Examples of work values are being honest, being accountable, focusing on detail etc.
  3. Personal Values-These are values that assist you define what you want out of life and will assist you in being happy and fulfilled. They are the guiding principles of your life such as, family life, popularity, health and appearance.

Taking time to explore your values is essential when it comes to setting goals. When people understand what their values are, they are able to determine what they really want. Not only does it help identify your place in life but also helps to know where you fit.

For many of us, we’ve grown into so many things that we had no say in. It’s therefore imperative that now that you’re an Adult, take time to revisit these values to ascertain if at this point in your life these values have any place in your life. It’s advisable to revisit your values from time to time. That’s because as human beings we grow, change and evolve hence the need to revisit your values. Do not underestimate the role values play in your life, take time out to revisit your values.

Leave a Reply