Dial a Counselor with Sybil Shaibu: Feeling guilty?


In getting to that place of self actualization, one would have to go through a process. Not only does the process of becoming take time, the journey differs for each person. Along the journey you’re bound to feel guilty for doing certain things, that’s not to say there won’t be times when there would be no guilt felt. There have been lots of times when I have felt guilty for doing lots of things. But as I progressed in my journey, I got to a place where I began to understand and appreciate myself better leading to self love

When you love yourself, you appreciate yourself for who you are while celebrating your achievements. I have realized that many a time people tend to judge themselves harshly due to their past failures. That tends to make them feel guilty for taking certain decisions or steps.

But human as we are, it’s absolutely normal to feel guilty about some things every now and then, but when the feeling of guilt becomes the deciding factor in your life, then you need help. Let’s take a look at some things you needn’t feel guilty about.

  1. Leaving a job that drains the life out of you: Ideally, aside the salary you earn, doing the job it’s self should be enjoyable. So, if you don’t enjoy the job, for your peace of mind leave the job. Don’t allow anyone or anything to make you feel guilty. A job is to add value to your life, no one should have to endure a job. Staying on in a job that drains the life out of you, will ultimately have dire consequences on your life. Leave if it’s draining the life out of you, and pat yourself on the back for choosing your life over a job.
  1. Doing what’s best for you despite what others think or say: No one knows you better than you, and that means no one would ever know what’s best for you better than you. So live your life, learn from your mistakes and move on from there. But never ever feel guilty for doing what’s best for you despite what others might think. You only live once, so do you the best way you know how and once you come to terms with this, there’s no way you’d feel guilty for doing what’s best for you.
  2. Saying ‘NO’ to others: Many people find it hard to say NO, for reason being the fear of guilt. Saying NO is never easy for anyone but it’s one of life’s necessities. Not giving in is one of the best ways for setting and maintaining boundaries. If you leave it to others, they’ll always have their way with you and that means losing yourself. If it doesn’t sit well with you, say NO, and don’t feel guilty.
  3. Sleeping in-There are days you just have to sleep in, and when the time calls for that, it does. Sleeping in doesn’t make you a lazy person, as such days don’t occur often. So when you happen to feel the need for a sleep in oblige yourself. The body is not a machine, when you over work it most definitely there’s the need to rest. So sleep in and don’t feel guilty about it, just a day of sleeping in would go a long way in helping you go through the days ahead.
  4. Asking for your needs to be met-Wants and needs aren’t the same, wants are negotiable whereas needs aren’t. So asking for your needs to be met isn’t something to feel guilty about. It only means you value your life, and that’s a good enough reason. Asking for your needs to be met is your right, so insist on your rights. People aren’t at their best when their needs aren’t met, this tends to cause a strain on people which then affects their relationships.

So allow yourself to feel guilty for all other things but not the above. It’s the little things we over look and don’t make time for that degenerate into the big problems we’re faced with later on. Feel guilty for your shortcomings not the things that foster your growth

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