Useless column: Democratic Republic of Marriage

Useless Column: The Fetish Pastor
Mawuli Zogbenu

Did you know that before the students loan was introduced for university students there was something called PAMSCAD? In case you didn’t know it was there before SSNNIIT loan was introduced to save lives of poor students like some of us whose families depended on it for survival. Man suffer before o; but it is well.

Many of today’s university students are only interested in eye phone25 and beyond.

Fear women o, hmmmm! I was lying on my bed with mobile phone in hand chatting sweetly with one of ‘those things’ of mine. My wife was in the kitchen cooking and needed me to help her to grind pepper but I gave her an excuse that I was sending some official information to my Boss via wosap. A few minutes later, the lights went off. Prepaid finish! Then she requested to use my mobile phone torchlight to guide her in her culinary exercise in the kitchen. I reluctantly gave it to her but made sure I stood by her to use only torchlight bcos my phone had no password. For reasons best known to me and some other men, I had to stand on her neck in the kitchen till she finished cooking.

Unfortunately for me, just when I’d wanted to take my phone away from her, someone called me on my yam phone. By the time I had finished talking with the person to join my wife in the kitchen for my wosap phone, I caught her red-handed reading all my whatsap messages on my phone. Lord God have mercy! I caught her la and when I screamed ‘Jesus’, she only smiled and gave the phone back to me and served me food. I couldn’t eat. My expectation was that she was going to first confront me per hat she might have seen. Up till now, she is still not asking me anything so that I can explain myself la first lying that it was a post-April Fool prank even though it was May 12th. I can’t sleep o. She should just confront me let me be free er.

This is the true power of a woman but if she had confronted me there and then, I would have been empowered to use takashi to lie to her so that she will rather start feeling guilty and start apologising! Now I dey fear am sef!

If only women know the power they possess er, the guilt that would pile on the heads of men can virtually kill us. Women, confront us o, so that we can lie to you and be free from guilt!

Today is May 14th and April salary has also come…and gone! Let’s pray for the unemployed oo. If you have a job, no matter how small the salary is, go down on your knees and say ‘God, God bless you for giving me a job’. One of the killer moments of an unemployed person is to wake up in the morning and not knowing where to go; the day becomes very long and hardly ends! If you have a job, it is not because you are better than those who are unemployed o but it is bcos GOD’s GRACE AND FAVOUR have found you! You are there walking guy guy as if you are the best man in town. Na God o, yoo! Thank Him!  May God give the unemployed persons jobs soon in Jesus’ name I pray! Just proclaim it and believe!

The problem with prayer is that we often confuse God. We want a car but it should not be home-use. We want to be in a relationship but not with a married man but a young man who is rich. For the where? Heheheh! The younger ones are often poor and the married men too, nowadays are becoming stingy small small dey come.

‘Holy Ghost Fire, Consume them’ ‘When I clap like this, let fire burn my enemy’! is that what Christ Jesus lived for and wanted us to follow His steps?

This is the reason I see some people who call themselves Christians and the way they live and I declare Sundays as holidays to sleep. Someone is probably saying in his head that ‘you don’t have to look at how someone lives before you go to church’ but na lie. Me I will look o. If nothing of yours inspires me, then I will be doing to myself what I hate most – self-deceit!

They say the best time to pray is at night when the enemy is at work. Why don’t we go to church in the nights? Some people leave their Adenta residences to Ridge for work before opening the Bible to pray. What if you don’t get the opportunity to reach work? Sometimes we are told that if we don’t feel like praying, we should just read the Bible. This week, I saw a post that made sense to me and answered my question even though the answer was a question.

In this modern day, people still wear kaba and put cloth on their shoulders as piece of cloth as a design. Aren’t you tired of carrying baggage Madam, I mean my wife’s sister o. Tsoo!

Who else listened to Dr. Lawrence T some time last year on radio between 5am and 5.48am?

No preaching has ever given me such deep understanding of why offences are part of our lives and can make us lose things that rightfully belong to us. The devil (our hearts) when triggered can shoot us like an explosion. Our own hearts o. He asked the rhetorical question we should ask ourselves anytime someone offends us before reacting and the question goes like: ‘what will Jesus do if He were in your shoes?’ With this thought, our CHRISTian principles should come to the fore of our thoughts and then we would ‘cooling downnnn’ I say cooling downnnn cooly down down down! Many Christians are just unforgiving yet expect to be forgiven! I am one of them so please stop insulting me in your head wae.

I still get amazed at people who are 30 years plus and still set their alarm on o; aren’t your problems enough to wake you up even earlier than you desire? Everyone has a problem o. If you don’t have one, please look for one asap. The other alternative is to just get married. Ahahahahaha!

You think you are the only one who wants to be happy all the time. Come on, come and join us in the Democratic Republic of Marriage and ‘endure’ true happiness!

Happy belated Sanla to my Moslem friends. Yesterday, I celebrated the day outside Accra and loved it with my Moslem friends.

Dr. Rafique Daudi, the Professor of leadership concepts and management practice, I greet you oo. Bareka de Salah to all my Moslem friends; you’ve been good to me before, now and still! Allah bless you!

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