Sybil Shaibu column: Have you been ghosted?


Human as we are the desire to be with other people is innate. As such we each form relationships as we go along in life. Relationships are very beautiful, the coming together of two different people requires a lot from both people. At the onset of every relationship there’s the period where the two people start off by getting to know each other. Usually people tend to go about this differently; there isn’t a cut out strategy as how to get to know someone. This period more or less sets the tone for the relationship and drives things into motion. And though many may not admit it, that phase is one of the most exhilarating aspects of every newly formed relationship.

Many a time at the onset of a relationship the people involved might not have a clear idea of which direction things would go. In other instances, right from the onset both parties can estimate how things would pan out in the relationship.

Sometimes along the line ghosting sets in. When last were you ghosted? Have you ghosted anyone recently? I know some of you might be wondering what ghosting is or what it means?

Ghosting is a slang that’s fast becoming a very popular lingua…..please don’t ask me why. Ghosting is the instance where one person just goes silent on the other person in a relationship. In other words simply going cold on someone you’re in a relationship with. This is mostly in the context of a relationship or close acquaintance with the potential of leading to dating

In recent times there have been many scenarios where ghosting issues end up in public domain. Well social media can be blamed for this, as many millennials live their lives vicariously through social media lately. It makes it seem as though it’s a new trend but in actual fact it’s not.

Long before I got acquainted with the term ghosting, I was practicing it and had also heard and seen others doing same. Though some refer to ghosting as jilting someone, I personally think the term “ghosting best explains the act.

Ending a relationship is never easy and it can be even harder if there is still love shared. However, sometimes it’s inevitable and it has to be done. I find that people prefer ghosting because it seems like the easiest form of ending a relationship.

According to research findings published in the journal of positive psychology, it takes eleven weeks to feel better after a relationship ends. But a separate study found that it takes close to eighteen months to heal from the end of a marriage.

Many people have been ghosted and though it might not have made the headlines, ghosting sure does exist. Like every other relationship related issue each person reacts differently. Usually people can tell when they have been ghosted but I have met people who could not tell they had been ghosted. Depending on how long the relationship had lasted, ghosting can be a difficult thing to deal with.

In some cases people make it a point to find closure. Personally up until recently, I had been the one ghosting people. My recent escapade gave me a firsthand experience of how it feels like to be ghosted.

Why people chose to ghost others might differ from one person to the other however the following reasons for are my personal reasons for ghosting people in past relationship.

  • The person had different expectations for the relationship.
  • The person didn’t understand boundaries of the relationship.
  • The person wanted more than I was ready to give in the relationship.
  • No matter what I said or did the person just wouldn’t let go.

So what do you do when you’re ghosted?

  1. Reflect; yes, it is good to reflect on what happened to you.
  2. Don’t beat up yourself about it.
  3. Know that things happened for a reason.
  4. Cry your heart out.
  5. Feel positive about yourself.
  6. Confide in someone.
  7. Seek closure if you can.

And if you’re like me and the person always ghosting gets ghosted, well now you know how it feels like to be ghosted.

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