Useless Column, DON’T READ: Short-Time in the Church


At least if there is anything the face mask is doing to help me, then it is adding value to me, negatively. I swerved one of those girls who asked for momo and I refused to give her. She saw me and looked at me some kan way whiles I was wearing my mask. He then asked ‘please are you Mawuli? I said NO’ and drove away with swag and speed. Hahaaa!

Happy birthday to you o, Dr Frank Odoom, former CEO of Quality Insurance and former Director-General of SSNIT. He was born just yesterday, June 4th! I am still wondering why this day, Sir. Dr. Odoom, in my opinion, is one of the most respected ‘silent’ CEOs Ghana has ever had! If in doubt, go to SSNIT and ask about Dr Frank Odoom and his ‘guy-guy’ walking with excellent expertise and competence in delivery…any time. Back at QIC, he taught us some serious principles of life which are guiding some of us today to a very large extent – ‘RAIDS’:

  1. Respect for all (R)
  2. Accountability (A)
  3. Integrity (I)
  4. Dependence on God (D)
  5. Skills Development, the right ones if you want to be on top of your game (S)

All these he abbreviated as RAIDS. He also indicated that you can have all the principles above but if you lack principle Number 3, forget it, you are finished! True or False?

Dr. Frank Odoom, please this is not a tribute to you o; it’s a lullaby to celebrate you and your birthday which fell on June 4th yesterday! What a day to be born whether it is before or after the eyi….! Hahahahaha! His favourite sports is tennis; not the one he can play o; the one he likes watching on TV. Roger Fedrer or so is his favourite or, Sar?

Me and him have so many virtues in common except that he is a Mathematician and an Actuary by training. In fact, he was once the President of the Actuarial Society of Ghana. He knows Maths roff! And me, the direct opposite. Last week, Makafui came to ask me: ‘Daddy, please what is ‘Pie R Square?’ and I’ve been avoiding her till now. Me? Mathematics? Kai!

Do you remember when I was doing an advanced degree some years back? I told you but many of you including me forget things easily. That is why some of you have stopped using the sanitizer thinking ‘oh nothing will happen’. You no see pepper before er. The dry and red one called akwele waabi! Yooo! Go ahead!

Maths was my headache and I was compulsorily forced to do Quantitative here. You sabi that Mathematics that has some letter ‘S’ with a very long tail inside plentey. Ehern! Sitting next to me in class was a lady working with a bank. After the lecturer, Professor something something set the question on the board, the calm looking lady tapped me and said: “Mawuli, there is something wrong with the question”. Ei! Common me, how am I supposed to know? Let us assume that the question was even correct kraa, me and Tordia Asantey will still get the answer wrong p3333…still!  But because she was the shy type, she couldn’t say it so I offered to say it by raising my ‘useless’ hand up. You see me and my too-known things? ‘Sir, please there is something wrong with the question’. Then he asked: “what is wrong with the question please?’. Without having a single clue, I just sat down kpoo immediately and pointed to the lady and said she was the one who said I should say it – my loud ‘useless’ mouth. Dr. Rafique Daudi of Metropolitan Life Ghana, I hope you remember that sharp-brain lady. Hehehe!

Then my course mates started laughing at me but I no mind them sef. Fortunately the lecturer saved the situation by asking the lady in a very calm tone after he had looked at the question again on the board for a few seconds. He turned to her and asked her: ‘Young lady, please what did you study for your first degree?’ ‘Sir, please Civil Engineering at Tek’, she answered nervously. Then the lecturer nodded and responded: “You are right, there is indeed something wrong with the question”. Come and see applause. Charlie, people know book o. Initially I thought I was the one they were applauding but apuuuu!

Ei last 2 week’s article that went viral titled ‘Side Chics Stock Market Drops by 84%’ as a result of the COVID-19 attracted some ‘unnecessary’ comments many of which were analyses from members of the top echelon of Academia. The one that ‘killed’ me kraa was from a renowned Economics University Lecturer. With some  emotional analysis in them: ‘Nice piece Mawuli. For the side chic stock market to dip by 84%, hmm! Very serious oo. This will take more than 20 years to recover; for which by that time most of the current investors will lose the appetite for such an investment. Let me assume that wives are also listed, the best investment for now. The risk is also very very down. Many cases zero risk.’

Fantastic points well made by the Economic Professor!

Anyway, that is not my problem now. Me I want to advocate that private school teachers are helped by their colleague GES Teachers. GES Teachers are home and being paid salaries. Private School Teachers are also home and and and…..hmmm!

I was honestly expecting the GNNAT Executives to have considered making every GES Teacher contribute at least GHC5 each into a pool and share among their private school counterparts but…hmmm! Private school employees depend on their employers’ revenues to pay them and now see; and they have families to feed too o.

God will bless the GNNAT Executives and their Members if they should do a thing like that. GNNAT Executives, it’s not too late o; please do something o. Most private school teachers dey taya roff. Let’s help each other o. My wife is a GES Teacher and I will add GHC10 to her GHC5 so it is substantial small to support private school teachers and their families too.

I have a problem o, people. I don’t know which one of my family lines is working against me o and the other working for me in my favour o. There is one that protects me and the other collaborates with my Accra enemies to finish me!

On Wednesday I borrowed an expensive ball pen from Mama Wiliz, my HR

‘Director of Operations’ and Compound Overseer. I went to the licence office with it to flex. Then someone borrowed the pen to write something but forgot to give it back to me. Normal practice abi? It was only when I got to the office that Mama Wilizar Asiedu asked of her pen! Ei! M3wu!

Mama Wili said I had to pay for the pen since it was an expensive one imported from abrokyire before Coro Coro. I was worried but I had no choice but planned to buy a new one to replace it.

See miracle o. By the time I got home that day, the pen was lying on my bed waiting for me. I clapped for that my family line who did that miracle to save my face. Up till now I don’t know whether it’s my paternal or maternal side. There are good witches and lizards, oh sorry I mean wizards o!

Now to the bad one. I slept with my face mask on and my wife came to ask why so, and I explained to her how one of my family lines can be that evil. If I had slept without the mask on, that is when those infected with the virus will come and sneeze directly into my nose and run away. So to be double sure, let me protect myself o!

One other advantage I have over using the face mask is that when I am laughing, no one sees how badly the teeth in my mouth are laid out in a scattered fashion. My face no fine kraaa o especially when I am smiling. Thank God for face masks. Even after Kofivi-90, I will still wear face masks to church so pastor will not be looking at my face to identify me and be talking tithe, tithe, tithe!

So let me ask you o; which part of this article has anything to do with ‘Short-Time in the Church’? Or is it because of the evil term ‘short-time’? Bud mind, Gbeku! So you think this ‘abstract is going to be about that 2-hour ‘short-time’ thing some promiscuous people including me have been doing and if their time is up, some guest house attendant bi will come and knock on their door to remind them that their time is up? They are then instructed to get out for another set to check in for evil to keep triumphing! You Gabby and Samimoto er! Ajeeei! One day one day! Hahahahaa!

Have a weekend full of laughter except that when laughing, keep inhaling the carbon dioxide that turns into ‘fart-like’ oxygen for you to inhale again as your face mask protects you and others! Indeed, this too shall pass!



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