Did you know that as big as a tree may be, it cannot dance on its own unless the wind comes to teach it how to dance? You sef, who taught you how to dance?
Everyone must depend on someone to get something going for them no matter how small the influencer may be. Sometimes the only destiny changer you may need is the watchman whose paddy may be the CEO. Greet him first before you continue oo, yoo.
One of the most annoying things about greeting or responding to whatsap messages is the stress of: “Good morning, dear. I trust you are doing fine”. Then you are compelled to respond: “By God’s grace! I trust you and the Family are also doing fine too”.
Then the other person responds: “We thank God” I bet these things can really waste time and put pressure on the eyes especially when the light from the phone is so bright and hitting your eyeballs or when you are driving and the other person seems to be expecting an instant response.
Some greetings. Just go straight to the point: “Hi Kwame, how far with my money?” and then he responds. If he is not ready to pay at that moment you don’t need to ask him how he and his family are doing. He would tell you himself especially if he wants to give you excuses. “”Well, the family is fine except that Kisiwa has been sacked from school yesterday for non-payment of school fees and my wife has taifa fever”.
Too many peripherals in whatsap greetings can really chop data and cause strains to the eyes. In our part of the world we like that thing too much. Another annoying one is those who call Monday mornings just to check on you.
Monday morning o, when everyone is hot running and down. Some will send messages and you tell them you are in a meeting so you should talk later and the next thing they do is to send you a voice note expecting you to play it to the hearing of those you are in the meeting with. Ei! Baba Yazo! Why?
Eish, the evil that men are doing er? We would catch them p3333! Nobody can catch me again o. You remember I was caught once when I got back home from work and she saw tissue on my ‘this thing’ and I told her I was learning how to clean the tip of my ‘this thing after urinating because I wanted to tuba and that I used tissue to clean the place as my new religion demands? Ehern!
Halleluya now we have two holidays for Ramadan. It’s sweet. This is what pertains in Naija. Anyway, we co-exist easily with these our cousins who are 3 countries away to the east but closer than one can imagine.
I have devised a new strategy. When I know I could be a strong suspect, I won’t bath after the evil act o. On my way back home, I would wear my jacket like that with my tie on and go and play table tennis at the mall and sweat it out after which I will look so tired and smelly with sweat. That is a sign that I had a very stressful day. Finish! No be so? Be there playing the holier than thou, Mr Bonney!
People have taken some days off to visit their building sites? It is possible o bcos accommodation has become so expensive and I wonder how the real estate developers are making it. Some have built beautiful houses in the outskirts of Accra and it is not easy to afford.
I have a strategy to protect such lands and let me share it with those who will not read this. If you are not ready, just wall the land up to 5 courses (coats). After that, demolish it yourself. Demolish it in such a way that whoever sees it would think you are ‘very angry’. Don’t angry me o, yoo. With the demolished state in which the land is, every reasonable prospective buyer would conclude that ‘there is a problem with this land’ and advise himself or herself. One plot of land with several owners, why? Ah!
If you don’t use your head, your body will suffer! Happy weekend and remember to share tea bread with your neighbor but without tea.
It’s Fridayyyyyyyy and next week Monday and Tuesday are holidays! Just imagine your salary had just been paid and you went to give yourself a treat at PenPinski! Just before you start eating, a call comes through from Ablavi and it goes like:‘Baby, I need to see you! We have to talk o.
What time would you close from work; it’s urgent o’. Then at this point you want to know why she wants to see you as she keeps you sweating and on urge. Then you begin to feel uneasy and ask: ‘Ablavi, give me an idea as to why you think we should meet so urgently; just give me a gist’. Then she replies: ‘Baby, I can’t say everything on phone but we urgently need to meet; hmmmm! ‘Are you alright’, you quiz further and she replies: ‘well, …hmmm, you, when we meet’.
As you insist she gives you a gist, she sets you thinking about your worst fears: ‘I have not been feeling well in the past 4 days and went to the clinic today that’s why we need to meet’. Several questions spring to your mind at this point and just when you are about to ask the next question: has she missed her period?, her phone goes off! Network problem or low battery – the most important problem is that there couldn’t be communication any further. That is when you realise the more that most of man’s problems are created by man himself! Majority are avoidable!
According to the people in this business, some ‘remedial’ measures may be needed and in the worst case scenario, you get a baby and have to face your own wife sooner or later and bear the unpredictable unpleasant consequences.
They say there is nothing as depressing as a side chic in ‘this state’ who refuses to ‘clear’. Clear what? You won’t ask? What if she agrees but dies in the process? At this point, if care is not taken, you may be tempted to discuss it with your wife because chances that you may go to jail is high and the shame you can bring to your family is immeasurable and irreversible. Anything can happen o, yooo. Remember sin fascinates and assassinates.
The other fear fear question you would begin to ask yourself: ‘or maybe she went to do HIV test and… ei or? Ala! At this point, only God can tell if you would still continue to have appetite for that food!
Extra marital affairs and the stress and wahala they can bring you er! Especially those of you men who like it tight and small, the thing will ‘cause thread’ o. U have no idea! Sometimes this side-chic ‘jamboree’ is to unnecessarily get ‘help’ from outside but but ends up causing more stress.
The last time I went to see a medical doctor over the fact that I am unable to sleep at night, he asked me a question: ‘Do you owe the bank’ and I said YES. Then he came with a prescription: ‘Take another loan to go and clear the old one; at least you can sleep better for a few months before they start deduction of the new loan.
At least it would give you some respite for a little while before you have difficulty in sleeping again’. He continued: ‘But I can guarantee you that you would never know peace once you continue taking or living on loans. Can’t you manage your little salary or save small small? Loans enslave you while savings empower you’. Don’t think about it; just go and take a loan! ‘Useless advice’ indeed!
It was this same doctor that told me to stop taking too much salt and that it is not good for sleep and bedmatics. Really? Let me ask you o, if you owe a microfinance company and business is slow, your children have been sacked from school for owing school fees, can you sleep let alone think about jumping on your wife? To do what?
Don’t waste your time o, Sammy. Stop blaming innocent salt; the real causes are internally external and you have very little or no control so long as you continue to take loans to solve problems (remember the cobra-effect).
Sometimes I wonder why a 24-year old ‘small and tight’ lady would call a 47-year old man: ‘Baby’! Ei! Edwaman mu ‘improper fraction and songs of praise’. Jesus is coming soon o, yoo!
