The reason I love Women is that my Mother is a Woman; I have 5 sisters who are Women. My Wife is a Woman. Come to my house – all you see are girl children – Women-designates! My Mother-in-Law is a Woman. My Nieces are Women. The ‘other secret ones’ in my life are all Women.
Aren’t Women so sweet! Clap for them er…kpa…kpa…kpakpakpa…..kpaaaa! So when you hear me say I am a Womaniser, I use it in context, not what you think. I am simply surrounded by Women. If you want a happy marriage, make Women in your life your confidantes. They would tell you exactly how to treat your Wife!
You see why the world would cease to exist if there aren’t enough women?
Unfortunately, my friend Yaovi hardly regards his wife as an integral part of his life. Yaovi, be careful o, yooo! I am sure that is why you have this constipation for three days now and you are almost choking to death.
Juxtapose this with your wife carrying a child in her belly for 9 months! And you have 6 children! You think it is easy to be a woman er? If you know what a woman is made of, you would realise that men are actually the weaker vessels. Just constipation for three days and you cannot breathe, Yaovi? Sh3din!
I support a 6-month maternity leave; the 3 months is too small. Men cannot stand common injection with this small syringe needle but would want to be ‘injecting’ their wives with something bigger and thicker and bigger than a needle every dawn.
If they fail to give us, then we vex. See what women go through – even CS! Miyem! Aish! I can feel what they go through right now and cringing! Give it to them – 6 months maternity leave. Men should also get only one-month paternity leave.
The only condition for men is that their legs should be chained to their living room pillars and car keys taken away from them and handed over to the police. If this is not done, instead of being on leave and be by our new mothers to heat hot water for them and the baby, we would be roaming in town pretending to be blind to the ladies in short skirts.
We are not blind o; we can see everything clear even in the dark without our spectacles on, when we succeed in removing ‘skirts’! Men? We are bad roff! As for us ….ooooohhhh! Kpa oooo!
Having made this recommendation, some of us will still break jail and order wuber’.
I want to know this o; before the white-man invented the water closet, where were they doing the distin? In the bush or on the KVIP? I can imagine a white man sitting on a KVIP ‘downloading or offloading’ useless things after eating fufu heavily the previous day.
Back in Kisseman, we used to call it ‘gey-gbo’ [to wit ‘fall with a crash’!] Weytin fall with a crash? Ajeish! It’s Fridayyyyyyyy and we are here again; no violence, no harm; no insult; just fun and above all, ‘useless’ things nkoaaaa, anaaa? Hahaaa!
The things you don’t want to hear or never thought of are here, live and coloured. You go hear.
‘Never try to teach your wife how to drive’! What a bad advice from an elderly man to me on my wedding day! I was a bit confused as I felt he might be wrong but right at the same time because during our courtship, anytime I was driving, she would be sitting at the back seat of the car but would be the first to see a pothole ahead of me and would start screaming ‘Jesus’ Jesus’ ‘Jesus’, please take your time’.
What confused me here the most was that I didn’t know whether she was referring to me to take my time or referring to Jesus to take His time! You may go back and read again.
In fact, some years passed and I ignored the advice from the old man and still went ahead to teach my Mother-in-Law’s daughter how to drive. The fights, arguments, quarrels? Weytin you go take them do? Eish!
While being guided, she could be driving into a gutter and be asking me whether she should turn or pull the brake! On one occasion I told her to continue into the gutter and she said ‘I was not caring’. I didn’t mind her sef. As to how she managed to turn the wheels in order not to enter the gutter, only God knew.
There was another day she was driving and when we were about to join the main road, the N1 Highway, we had to wait close to 20 minutes and we were still there even though her eyes were so focused on the road. I was just watching her expecting her to take a bold decision to join the main road.
I didn’t say anything. I lost that patience and asked her: ‘Auntie, won’t you go?’ and her angry response was like: ‘but the cars keep coming; what do you want me to do?’. I kept quiet! As I write, we are still there.
It was then I understood the old man’s advice never to try to teach my wife how to drive; I should have gone to pay fees at a good driving school for her to learn how to drive there so there would be peace.
Don’t take an old man’s advice for granted o. Most of them have seen it all and laugh at us anytime we appear to be so ‘right’. Often when you seem so right, relax and listen to the old boys and old girls and you would notice how wrong you could have been on your initial position on an issue! If you are lucky to meet the very good ones, awwww….you would take life easy!
One recently advised me to marry another wife so there would be competition at home so no one person can bluff me. He explained further that polygamy is not about men having more than one wife; it’s all about temporary pleasure and variety. I was inspired! You see how good some of them can be? As to whether, this advice would be upheld or not, please enjoy the rest of the day.
The day the women would also be advised to marry or date another man while married, that is when men would faint! Faint er, who cares! What men hate is to do to them what they do to you. When a man is pursuing you and you don’t like him but he keeps trying his luck, just tell him that your rent of GHC7,200 is due. He would be the first to block you. Problem solved, no bi so? Ahan!
Please since you have read this for free, you can now lock your drawer, tell your boss you are going to the bank and come. Go and don’t return. Just ‘balance’. After all, today is Friday. Report to work on Monday for a query. Simple!
Kwame, have a great weekend and by all means, give your love to a woman remember not to go to a lady you are interested in by asking questions such as: ‘do you have any problems I can help you solve, baby?’ This is the word of the Lord! Thanks be to God! Amen? Amen!
