By Nii Armah ADDY
Companionship is an innate requirement of humanity. While companionship may be for different reasons and purposes, the specific companionship that concerns this article is about that of the biological human gender of male and female. Considering that the English Common Law as lend to us draws its inference from the canonical order of the bible, it will not be out of place to quote the source of companionship.
Genesis 2:18 “The Lord God said, it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (NIV). This biblical reference points to the creation of the Garden of Eden. Adam was the only human and God needed to give him a human companion. Biblically, this is the first knowledge of the need for a woman to complement a man.
The promise of companionship was not just a talk but effectuated in Genesis 2: 21-24 “So the Lord God caused man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’ for she was taken out of man. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (NIV).
The bible passage above sets the coming of a man and a woman to marriage. Albeit, this article discusses the other forms of man and woman love relationship that may or may not end in marriage. Though that departs from the biblical step read in Genesis, it gives the opportunity to the man and woman to know themselves well and to prepare well if their relationship will end up in marriage.
Be it a Civil Marriage in the English Common Law of Hyde v. Hyde or in the Traditional Law Marriage, a man and a woman are required. For emphasis on Traditional Law Marriage, there must be necessary ingredients to validate the marriage. These are:
- Status of the parties;
- The marriage should not breach any of the rules of consanguinity and affinity;
- Consent of the parties;
- Consent of the parents or persons in loco parentis
- Gifts or bride wealth
- Parties entering the marriage should be of the appropriate age
In a future article, I will dwell on the above ingredients (a – f) for a traditional law marriage to be valid.
Betrothal
Betrothal simply put is a promise to marry. The agreement between the two parties is morally binding under canon law although it is not legally binding by a secular law. Betrothal ceremonies originated in the early church as an encompassing commitment of marriage between families.
This is also rooted in the Catholic religion. One of the requirements in the Catholic betrothal is that a specific date for the actual marriage is indicated in the pledge from the ‘pledgor’ to the ‘pledgee’. As a vow before God, the promise is expected not to change.
The practice of betrothal used to be very frequent and somewhat necessary in the Catholic faith but times have changed and its strict requirement no longer necessary though some still aspire to it as it is seen to add spirituality and gravitas to the process leading to the actual wedding.
It will be interesting to note that betrothal in the Church as seen above happened between prospective couple who are of age and near marriage though age is silent. Contrary to the general applicable definition of betrothal which simply means a promise to marry which should not be age barred.
As can be gleaned above, betrothal in the church is somewhat different from the customary practice which happens between the man and the family of the ‘girl’ for which decision is made on behalf of the ‘girl’ by her parents and/or family. Here the consent of the ‘girl’ is not required neither is it necessary because she is too young to make such decision.
In Ghana, the Children’s Act 1998 (Act 560) Section 14 – Right to refuse betrothal and marriage. (1) No person shall force a child (a) to be betrothed; (b) to be a subject of a dowry transaction; or (c) to be married. (2) The minimum age of marriage of whatever kind shall be eighteen years. There is a lacuna in the law which does not criminalize betrothal.
To the extent that betrothal in the customary practice does not require the consent of the child and therefore it cannot be said that the child was forced. The practice even from the canon law corroborates with the customary practice that betrothal is not marriage irrespective of the ages of the parties involved.
On page 503 of Barbot’s “Description of the Coasts of North and South Guinea” (1732), a ‘girl’ of seven (7) or eight (8) years old was betrothed to a man of forty (40) years old. On the day of the event, relatives and friends gathered at the home of the ‘girl’ amidst music and merry making.
The ‘girl’ was adorned with gold jewelry in her hair, on her neck, arms and feet. A declaration of a promise of marriage was made before a priest. The betrothal was not consummated because the ‘girl’ has not attained maturity for sex on account of her age. She had to wait until she attained marital age and was accompanied to her marital home by a procession of her family, their friends and peers.
Barbot’s account dispels the notion that betrothal means child marriage and an urgency for sex by elderly men. It maintains the fact that before the Children’s Act and the 1992 Constitution were enacted, customary practices of betrothal preserved chastity and a moral society.
Betrothal is not marriage (particularly when the ‘girl’ has not attained the marital age of eighteen years) and does not involve sex (particularly when the ‘girl’ has not attained the sexual age of consent which sixteen years) for which reason it cannot be seen as a criminal offence to be punished as stipulated in Article 19(11) of the 1992 Constitution of the Republic of Ghana which states that “No person shall be convicted of a criminal offence unless the offence is defined and the penalty for it is prescribed in a written law”.
Jolley
Jolley is a Ga terminology which refers to a mistress. This is a common practice of parties who are enticed by it., Jolley is a man-initiated practice. But since women have assumed the practice of also initiating such relationship, the practice can be initiated by a man to a woman and vice versa. Even when the woman initiates it, she still becomes the jolley or mistress. The nomenclature does not change. Couple in a jolley or mistress relationship must have attained the age of sexual consent or marital age.
Ideally, a man in a jolley practice is one who is married and decides to have a jolley or mistress. As a hidden practice, she may not expect any special treatment from the man’s extended family since they may not endorse it. Typically, such relationships are known to few people preferably the man and woman’s close friends who can maintain the confidentiality particularly if the man’s wife can make hell break loose upon hearing it.
There is no ceremony attached to a jolley or mistress relationship but that does not stop several women from openly parading themselves as jolleymei or mistresses of wealthy men. In a jolley or mistress relationship with a wealthy man, the jolley or mistress hope to gain something substantial or a property at a future date.
If the jolley or mistress play her role well to the utmost joy of the man, she may obtain expensive gifts and some level of luxury from the man and vice versa. Such gifts are not recoverable upon termination of the relationship.
Stricto sensu, jolley or mistress is for a married man who seeks solace with a woman outside of his marriage. Plurality of the practice (where a man takes several jolleymei or mistresses) takes away the finesse for which the English acknowledged the practice in the colony.
Minded to say that since the practice of jolley or mistress is not marriage, when the man dies intestate, the jolley or mistress has no inheritance from the man’s estate except the ones he gives inter vivos. Such gifts as land, car, etc. must be in the name of the jolley or mistress while the man is alive else if it remains in the man’s name it can be challenged and recovered.
Lorbi
Lorbi is a Ga terminology which refers to a sweet-heart. This is a common practice of parties who are enticed by it., Lorbi is a man-initiated practice. But since women have assumed the practice of also initiating such relationship, the practice can be initiated by a man to a woman and vice versa. Even when the woman initiates it, she still becomes the lorbi or sweet-heart. The nomenclature does not change. Couple in a lorbi or sweet-heart relationship must have attained the age of sexual consent or marital age.
Though lorbi or sweet-heart are sometimes used interchangeably with jolley or mistress, the proper contest for lorbi or sweet-heart is for singles-in-love. The terminology properly so called is not used for children who have not attained the age of consent for sex or marriage.
Lorbi relationship is not marriage no matter how long the couple remain in the relationship until the necessary marital rites are performed.
If in the process of the relationship the man dies intestate, the lorbi or sweet-heart has no inheritance from the man’s estate except the ones he gives inter vivos. Such gifts as land, car, etc. must be in the name of the lorbi or sweet-heart while the man is alive else if it remains in the man’s name it can be challenged and recovered.
In conclusion, unlike betrothal which does not involve sex, jolley and lorbi involves a lot of sexual encounters or touching affair. Since the practice has the potential for pregnancy hence child birth, it must be discussed and agreed on the onset to avert subsequent tentacles of failed love and unplanned child.
Jolley and Lorbi are for pleasure not intended for third party (children) which has the propensity for multiplicity of legal battles and/or personal squabbles sometimes a lifelong hatred. Participants in jolley and lorbi must be well aware.
