I know the title is quite ambiguous even to me myself. I don’t know whether it is a statement advising single people to get married tomorrow or a single young man getting married to his partner, Miss Tomorrow! ‘Tomorrow’ as a person!
It’s another weekend and we thank God for life! We are taking it easy! Don’t take life too seriously; let yourself loose sometimes and you would be glad you did. You are not the first person experiencing what you may be experiencing and you would certainly not be the last! One second at a time is the new order; enjoy this second and the next second will take care of itself.
You know when very experienced people advise you that you need ‘wisdom’ to be able to sustain a marriage, the ‘wisdom’ they are actually talking about is to be ‘f**lish man’? You can’t be, in reality, manage a good home if you want to be wise as a husband as in the word ‘wise’. Men have a larger responsibility to make it work, I think. Life can be boring if you choose to be too wise. Let your 2 plus 2 be 3, not 4 and you would be good to go. If there is no fight, create one and see how nice it can be soon after reconciliation.
We are in February the month of love so love your wife. Just that and you would be fine. In last week’s useless column, someone called to tell me that my position on what scares me the most being divorce is not correct. When a woman says ‘it’s over’, there is virtually nothing you can do to convince her to change her mind. If you are not lucky and she agrees to stay, be ready for reference point. The slightest thing: ‘This is the reason I wanted to walk out the other day and you begged me to stay; now you see. Pastor will hear this and…..hmmm!’ This is where you need ‘wisdom’! I think my friend has a point!
The first marriage counseling I was given which I wrongly applied was about how to vary the places I choose to ‘have fun’ with my wife. We were advised that doing ‘the thing’ always on the bed becomes monotonous and so we should ‘change inside small’. Guess where we f**lishly tried it – on a gas cylinder la. Ala! Our house nearly caught fire!
Last week my friend Forforni called me again to say that he didn’t know that an ordinary shaving stick could be an aphrodisiac until he read about my own experience. It can be a very potent aphrodisiac in the hands of a loving wife who is romantically shaving the eyi of her loving husband!
But I warned him bcos the same shaving stick can become a weapon in the hands of an unhappy and angry wife! Be careful when to give her the shaving stick to shave you; first be sure she is happy with you or else… hehehehe! But my question is: ‘to shave where’? Is it not haircut on the head? Kwamina Korshivi ‘Bad mind’!
‘It is always good to kiss your wife before leaving for work’, some counsellors would say! Ask them when last they kissed their wives; you can be sure of an insincere answer as some may not even be on talking terms with their spouses at the time of writing those ‘useful’ books for you to read. Wondering why this my position, just ask yourself: ‘who counseled the first couple?’
Only from God must we seek marital wisdom! Go direct to Him on your knees; no agent!
Oh my brother, let’s pray for all those who are going through some tough times in their lives for God to touch their hearts and let them understand that as to whether ‘they go or they come’, it depends on the two of them, not any counselor or family member who has his or her own problems but will not tell anybody! This is not counseling o; it’s a prayer request!
The dawn after this February 14, I drove through a popular spot and Lord God have mercy! Condoms? Weytin you go take them do! Ewurade! I just exclaimed: ‘Thank God for HIV or else…hmmm’.
Simple simple current affairs some of us don’t know. Be reading useful things o, not these ones that would not add any value to your lives o, yooo! If you don’t know, you don’t know! Okay which country in Africa has had its name changed to Eswatini not long ago? Just google it and it would tell you it is Swaziland not Switzerland! Ah!
I know a couple who have been married for 9 years. They had their first child through ‘womanpower means’. The other two were delivered through a caesarian section giving them 3 children. The energy God gave women, men don’t have one tenth of it. Common constipation, you can see tears in our eyes. Respect every woman especially those who have ‘pushed’ and those who will ‘push’ later! After the third child, doctors advised them to stay away from jigijigi for a while so that the woman would not take seed at least between 24 to 36 months or else she would endanger her life especially at the time of delivery. Medically, they were told, the wound would heal very well by that time so the woman could take seed again; in fact get impregnated again. I don’t know why I keep talking about ‘seed’ ‘seed’ when I could just say pregnant. Ah!
So they’ve not been doing the eyi even though me I am sure the man was ‘eating’ from outside. Eat what? I don’t even know but during that period he always came back from work ‘happy’!
My friend is disturbed and called to ask of my counseling as to what he should do. What should they do under the circumstance? How would I know! But I suspect the man. Sometimes some men can cheat aaaaaa to the extent that some mothers to doubt if the children they ‘pushed’ by themselves are really theirs!
Me? A marriage counselor? Tweaaa! Ei! It is exactly ten years ago since we started looking for the person who said ‘tweaaa’. Time is not our co-equal; it flies! This thing that we made fun of just like yesterday, is already 10 years old. I don’t believe in post marital counselling because anybody who has been married for 6 months can also write a book on marriage counseling. No one marries the enemy and then goes to another person to be advised on why he or she married an enemy!
The best pre-marriage counselor I have ever come across was a lady pastor called Liz. She advised the couple to try the ‘thing’ first before marriage. Even without telling them, they would still do it anyway so why lie to yourself? The late Mr Mishiamenu Zogbenu often said: the best way to tell a thief ‘he is a thief’ is to give him something to keep for you’. But you know the paradox? This couple never did the thing till they got married 5 years ago but still…it didn’t work though they did their best to save their marriage! The simple reason was that the man doesn’t bath well! Marriage collapse! Hmmm! Only God o and having a second heart to contain the n**sense is what makes marriage work. The best marriage counselor does not exist! That is the truth! Period! Most of us are just managing and pretending to be happy otherwise why do you call it marriage? It should pinch you to feel it! I honestly don’t think there is any PhD programme harder than marriage. Kai! As for me, I happy myself o. If she refuses to give it to me at home, I ‘close late from work’ and bring the joy home to lie down and sleep. Marriage continues! No be so?
Abeg, advise the young men and women to enjoy small just before marriage because whether you let them do it or not, they would still find a way to do it unless ‘they no get feelings’!
Have a great weekend and remember whatever you wish for people, you are wishing yourself the same thing ten time. If the wish is good, you get ten times of that yourself; if it is bad, you get 20 times! Be guided and choose one! Bye byeeeeeeee!
