In most African cultures, women are unlikely to declare themselves as the head of household if there is an adult male present. This responsibility of household headship our men carry with valour, has no doubt made them heroic, a meal ticket, and everything in between.
Caring for the economic well-being of the household, just as any other social role comes with its own boons and coons. A man definitely needs a source of income to be able to enter the ‘world’s best father contest’, and to be seen as a ‘good’ husband or partner. The relative financial contributions of men and women as we know, differ significantly by the educational attainment, cultural and religious backgrounds of each partner.
In as much as it is very important for a man to be able to support a family financially, we equally ought to pause and ask our men the question no one is asking.
How do working dads handle the psychological distress that comes with fatherhood?
Although a considerable body of research points to an overall positive association between employment and mental health, employment status per se does not take into account the fact that the psychological and social conditions of work vary greatly among the employed and in ways that may affect mental health.
Recent studies have illuminated the mechanisms through which fatherhood might produce some deleterious health effects. Some of this poorer health appearing as a result of an association between fathering and lack of emotional support. In this article, working dads will learn how they can slow down, unwind, and keep grounded in all other areas of their lives, especially the parenting part.
It’s easy to feel strung-out as a father, but in this part of our world, barima nsu! (men don’t cry). This maxim goes beyond its literal meaning of how ‘unmanly’ it is to weep/cry or throw in the towel in despair as a male. Societal rules for being a man or a woman have taught us how to behave or respond to situations, based on our gender. Recent studies which have examined men’s coping mechanisms with regards to psychological problems have found that substance use and other risky behaviours seem to be correlated with psychological suffering (Bilsker et al., 2018; Liu & Iwamoto, 2007). These coping behaviours have been attributed to masculine ideologies that endorse masking or ignoring negative feelings and avoiding reliance on health professionals and other people. Such beliefs, if combined with isolation and absence of meaningful relationships, can increase the risk of suicidal behaviour.
While men may no longer need to spend their days hunting and gathering, many dads still possess that same kind of passionate do-it-yourself mindset. Dads like to be in charge of their own destinies, use their hands to build stuff, and see projects through from humble beginnings to glorious finish.
We know you aren’t fans of asking for help, we do appreciate and recognize this fiercely independent spirit. But have you defined what success means to you and how you want to attain it? Do you want to be the coach of your kids’ little league or looking to take over captaincy of a whole industry? Whatever your goals are, it is always a good thing to ask for support when need be! Look around you, identify those who fit into your plan frame to get the job done, and deposit some time into your free time account. Time as a currency is always fulfilling when spent wisely with families, friends, loved ones, or just by yourself to reflect and recharge.
Even with the rise of breadwinner moms and dual-income couples, fathers are the sole or primary providers for about 85% of dual-parent households.
It can be upsetting to watch your father overwork himself at an age when you would hope he has the luxury to slow down and relax in anticipation of enjoying his upcoming retirement years.
From my experience working with dads, most of them do not deny the fact that fatherhood coupled with official assignments get them very stressed. A big project at work, a visit from the in-laws, a malfunctioning DSTV remote – all of it raises tension levels. It’s no secret that such anxieties impact someone’s overall health. From headaches to skin challenges, everything is affected by ramped-up stress.
First of all, it’s important to understand that men are no different from women, children, grandparents, whomever. They suffer mental health issues; they just don’t talk about it as much. Children, as we know, especially younger kids, mimic what they see. Watching the symptoms of a father’s mental health struggles, whether it’s sadness, frustration, anger, or isolation, can impact a child in several ways. So, dads, please slow down, and take advantage of available resources dedicated to making the role of fatherhood much easier for working dads.
Secondly, self-care is not for a particular gender. It’s about time dads update their priority lists to include self-care. Self-care is far from being self-indulgent or being selfish. It simply means taking care of yourself so that you can be healthy, you can be well, you can do your job, you can help and care for others, and you can do all the things you need to and want to accomplish in a day.
Most importantly, what can fathers from any generational cohort, who want to focus on both career and family do to get the balance right? Your professional success shouldn’t come at the expense of your family, nor should being present at home compromise your ability to run a business. Make time for little things like birthdays, school open days, trips to the dentist, family workouts etc. Do what makes you happy, keeps you calm or makes you sane. But remember, your family is a reflection of the energy you invest, which ultimately goes a long way to impact your output at work.
How quickly we’ve transitioned from receiving care to being carers ourselves. You took on a role that didn’t come with a manual, fatherhood – and you are doing fantastically okay. When you are blessed with your firstborn, you become a father. But when the second-born comes, you become a referee now. Sadly, paternity leave in Ghana is nothing to write home about, but that hasn’t stopped our men from being the best dads they can be. Fathers can only be heroes to their kids when they are in excellent health. So slow down, unwind, recharge and keep being our GOAT (Greatest Of All Teachers).
Akorfa is the Head, Learning and Development – Stanbic Bank Ghana
