Useless column: The Golden Calculator

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They say I should not eat meat because of animal fats which can build in my stomach. Yet the animals giving us the fats themselves eat mainly leaves and grass. Cows and goats eat mainly grass and some other leaves and generally they do more exercise by roaming about than human beings do. So where do they get the fat from? This is the irony of science, sometimes!

Like joke like joke, it’s been one month now since I made a very unnecessary resolution to cut down on meat, eat more vegetables and fruits. In the second week of January a friend introduced me to some detoxifier that will burn my stomach fat within a month. I was reluctant at first but gave in after she persistently convinced me it would work. What made me give in is that she is a health worker.

On the first day before starting with the therapy, she said I should not eat anything after 6pm. Not even fruits. I obliged. I was then weighing 103kg with the stomach of a 7-month old pregnant mother. My expectations of a flattened stomach within days were high. One week after using the tea and capsules, I checked my weight again and it measured 106kg! God is faithful! It was then I concluded that either there was something wrong with the weighing scale or there was something wrong with my body.

I then remembered how Kutorwu, my classmate in Achimota gave me his calculator to go and write a term Maths exam with; that was circa 1993. He said the scientific calculator was for his brother, Yaovi, then a Lower 6th Form student at Bishop Heman. Kutorwu’s only problem with the calculator was that until I got express permission from Yaovi to use that calculator, the calculator would mess me up in the exam hall. He did not give me reasons but knowing where Yaovi is coming from, hmmm!

Well, I ignored that advice and when I entered the exam hall without such express permission, anytime I added 2 + 3, the answer I got was 9! 24 divided by 2 gave me 4! 8 x 5 and the answer was -12! Using a Nyebro’s calculator without permission? Beware!

Indeed there was no problem with the calculator but the fact that I did not seek express permission from Yaovi, everything jammed. As to whether I passed that Maths exam or not with that ‘golden calculator, please wear your face mask well. Abeg, occasionally go and rinse your mouth after the use of the mask wae. The stench that comes when you open your mouth to drink water can be over bearing. Let’s manage it small small! Wear the mask for reasonably long hours but occasionally go to the sink and wash your mouth and hands with soap under running water and put the masks back neatly or change it into a new one. Life is not the same again. Hmmm!

This also goes to those of us who like women with big backs but don’t have money to take care of our own homes adequately! Be advised o, yoo! They would worry you for mommo saaaaa till your BP rises through the roof!

I have leant my lessons and now practising more social distancing even before COVID reared its ugly head.

See how I caught some of them o. This is what they have been doing in the past to me ooo. I offered Adowa, a lady friend lift from Weija SCC Junction towards Accra. I was going to buy a something in town. So we went together. According to her, she had only GHC90.00 on her but needed at least GHC400.00 to buy some items and she was confident she would buy those items worth this amount though she had less on her.