… The reactions of people towards life’s experiences
Coincidence? Is it a myth, divine or a humanly-arranged agenda? Well, it is left with a strong mind to think deeper in ascertaining the reality of this occurrence.
Are there coincidences in life? Well, one school of thought believes that there are no coincidences. Statistically-oriented people believe that coincidences can be explained by the law of truly large numbers which states that in a large population, any weird event is likely to happen. This is according to www.psychologytoday.com. There is therefore, a long way of saying that, coincidences are mostly random.
The circumstances in life make us wonder if there is an element controlling the affairs of men. Well, being a staunch believer of Christ, I am certain that everything that happens to man has a meaning and may not necessarily be by chance.
Have you ever held a business meeting with a close associate and just when you parted company with the person, you came across the same business partner in an unarranged location altogether? Is it a fluke, quirk or chance? Well, it is sometimes difficult to understand the occurrences in life.
Have you ever made a statement in a group discussion that unknowingly to you was the public discourse on radio or Television or any of the social media handles? Have you also handled an issue for someone and just after you turned on the Television or radio set, that becomes the exact talking point?
Some of life’s issues are clandestinely or secretly hidden from man’s understanding.
One day, I listened to a Reverend Minister who used drama and poetry in his sermon on marriage. His objective was to build a healthy marriage relationship among couples in his local church. In fact, most of the issues he addressed in his sermon were exactly what some of the couples went through that particular morning before coming to church. In a rage, one of the married persons, halfway through the teaching, left the church. What was her problem? It was, later on, discovered that the woman thought that her husband might have hinted the Reverend Minister on their quarrel they had earlier in the morning and the Reverend Minister psychologically used that in his homily. Grippingly, it was a sheer coincidence.
The Reverend Minister had no idea of the couple’s challenges but he was led by the Spirit of God to speak. Such occurrences are not planned, thought of, or arranged but purely by the leading of God’s power. It takes a humble person to accept the ways of God and make changes in their lives. These occurrences beat our imaginations. It takes a good heart, patience and a mature mind to humbly accept these manifestations.
One day, my wife and I counselled a friend to learn to control his temper in a challenging moment. Interestingly, a few months before we met with the said friend, a news agency had contacted me to write an article on patience. The agency’s intention was to teach people to control their emotions and enjoy a stress-free lifestyle. Usually, it takes a few days for such an article to be published but not this period. This time, the publication changed because of unforeseen circumstances.
Stimulatingly, a day after counselling this friend was when the publication on Patience and Timing came out. What a coincidence! Later, another friend drew my attention that my counsellee was verbally attacking me for putting his challenge into a publication form. This counsellee was so furious. Well, no amount of words will make this person accept the side of my story. To him, most of the examples cited in the paper were quite close to his case, so to him, my publication was a deliberate act to discredit his personality. But that was a sheer coincidence. What a world!
As a competent psychotherapist, it is against the ethics of my job to mismanage vital information. That is why people confide in us. On the contrary, when some people are frustrated, no amount of words will change their mindset. What a strange world for people to live in mental prison or mental slavery. Sometimes, coincidental, unplanned, spontaneous and unexpected occurrences confront us daily. Under such an unexpected circumstance, where your good thoughts or actions are misunderstood, misread, misinterpreted or misjudged, what must you do?
Learn To Speak Less
Explaining your problems to everyone you meet on the way doesn’t solve your problems. Some people have this attitude of trumpeting all their challenges to everyone they meet on the street. Sadly enough, not everyone has the inner strength to listen to you let alone help you. Some stay on the phone for hours, complaining severally to people to gain their support. We have also forgotten that certain problems expose the emotional weaknesses of some people to us. It takes patience to go through pains. So, why don’t you learn to speak less and control your emotions?
In moments where you are misrepresented and misunderstood, don’t speak for yourself. Learn to stay mute. Never defend yourself by explaining the situation to people but stay humble and quiet on the issue(s). Personally, that is my style of overriding challenges that confront me. Time has a beautiful way of exposing the truth to us. Probably, your pain comes from the way you drag issues over and over again which has resisted good things from coming into your life. Note that offenders are not always wrong. Sometimes, offenders help us know ourselves better and humbly change our self-centred approach to life. So, instead of always getting attention from some people who view issues from a self-opinionated angle, why don’t you sit down and make a deeper introspection about your defiance, brashness or attitude?
The right answers from our moment of self-examination will make us better and not bitter. In fact, they will make us wiser and not unwise people. The answers that emerge from our meditation will make us humble instead of being proud and resentful. Thus, speaking less teaches us to identify our real image.
Learn to focus on your bigger dream(s)
Many people have lost a sense of direction as a result of what someone might have thought about them, said about them or allegedly written about them. Life is interesting. It is full of surprises. Some instances are to encourage us. Others, to discourage us. However, it takes a strong person to release his heart from emotional disturbances and get focused on his dream. When dreams are punctuated, it is rather the dreamer who has a problem but not the dream itself.
The world waits for no visionless or clueless person. The world is looking for mountain movers, destiny changers and victors. The world is waiting for people who have conquered their fears and failures. The world has no time to waste on depressed and frustrated people. No matter how people help you to rise as a result of seemingly challenging moments, the best person to make your life better when you are being misrepresented is you. Yes. I mean, YOU! Some occurrences in life are quite disturbing, embarrassing and may punctuate your dream. But must you allow them to happen? Definitely no! Live a stress-free life and never allow the attitudes of some people to steal your joy.
Surround yourself with positive-minded people
There is something unique about positivity. It does not accept any negative thoughts. A positive-minded person is neutral in his persuasions. A positive-minded person makes a dying situation sparkling and flourishing. In times of help or advice, a positive-minded person will paint a neutral picture to you concerning your bad situation. I have come to know that most emotionally-troubled people want to prove a point that they are always right, hence they do not deserve to be treated in an obnoxious, unpleasant or unsufferable manner. Meanwhile, they may be wrong if you carefully listen to them. It takes a wise person to intelligently deal with an issue from a balanced point of view.
In my years of professionally counselling people, I have come to know how some people present their case(s) to suit their selfish drive. They hide the truth by making their supposed offenders the worst degraded ones. Sometimes, some of these counsellees when seeking help prove others wrong while they want to secure an angle of precision. It takes an intelligent and well-balanced psychotherapist or counsellor with a positive mindset to change the attitude of a half-baked counsellee and realign the latter’s mind into accepting the realities of life. It is this change of lifestyle which makes one move on with an open heart devoid of unpleasantness, resentment and anger.
In the case of people overcoming a heartbreak, some do not allow their pain to heal completely before jumping into another relationship. In case you find yourself in a situation like this, finding a positive-minded person to shape your thoughts, and behaviour is relevant in making your life a stress-free one.
CONCLUSION
Our interactions with people are important for building a congenial social environment. Our society will be vacant if human contact does not exist. Relating with the right people is more important than with the wrong people. However, if spontaneous events do occur, we should not instantly conclude that it is arranged by man or it is a myth.
Sometimes, some occurrences are good for a change over in our responses to our belief systems, people, places, events, viewpoints, happenings and mindset. That is what an attitude is. A good attitude reaches out to certain occurrences with an open mind and modesty. It takes a humble person to glean wisdom from every spontaneous situation and where your reactions are negative, we demand to speak less, surround ourselves with the right people and keep our focus on our dream.
Grab copies of the writer’s books from Kingdom Bookshop, KNUST, Kumasi and in Accra, contact: Mrs. Justina Asempa (Phoenix Insurance, Ringway Estates, Osu) on 0244 20 88 43 and Pastor Stephen Gyamfi (ICGC, Asylum Down, 054 679 7323). In Obuasi, contact: Sammy on 024 77 3 78 11.
The writer is an Academic, Visiting Lecturer, Leadership Consultant and a Reverend Minister with the WordSprings City Church, Kumasi-Ghana.
Email: [email protected]
