Useless Column: Police Uniform to be Green?

You see when you are driving in town and you say there is traffic congestion, don’t forget you are contributing to the traffic congestion too o, yoo. You can’t be the only honest person in a dishonest society. We always think it is someone else. I am just imagining the day Prof Lumumba is made President. The way we would frustrate him to fail sef, hmmm! Africa? Hmmm!

‘Mr poku…poku…poku ware…ware….aware sor…sor…sorfo…fo…foriwa…waa…waakye…kye…kyenam…nam…nampa…pa…paano…no…noma…ma…mango…go…gowoyu…yu…yu ful..fu…fufuo. Amina tunse basma tinga to power to money zongo. Kingsway,,, heyyyyy hahaaaaaa!It’s Fridayyyyy and I am heavily drunk with pure water already!  

Ghana sweet before o especially if you grew up in the areas where every child was every child’s friend. Do you remember this ampe rhyme? ‘Aabaaaa….Beautrice….Cee Connie and…Dora. Hahahahaa! Abeg if you don’t remember then you might have been born after the Y2K scare!

Please Sunday is coming o, so no more Friday night lies. As for me, my wife does not trust me again anytime I tell her I have a programme Friday night bcos she once caught me attending a non-existent all night service. You remember one of such Friday nights when I returned from a Friday all-night church service (non-existent of course), got home, removed my boxer shorts and she saw tissue on my this thing? Even though I lied to her it is bcos I had wanted to change my religion so after urinating, I am learning how to clean my this thing, she still does not trust me la. Saturdays are often better days to lie that you have one million funerals to attend. If I tell you the number of black shirts and cloths I have worn on Saturdays only to attend ‘funerals’ that never existed er, I am sure you would think deliverance would be too small to save me; maybe a crusade! I would wear the black shirt or cloth from home alright, but inside my car booth would be T-shirt and jeans trousers and other ‘tools’ I hide under the spare tyre compartment of my car booth! That is why I don’t like my wife changing car tyres where she is using my car and there is a flat tyre! Ei, God forgive us o bcos we do not know what we are doing as men!

This Sunday is mothers’ day and have you noticed the noise being made all over the place with lunch at all the nicest places in town? Wait for fathers’ day and that is when you would only hear of agrada bitters and bieja bitters and things. Ooohhhh fathers! We are not lucky kraaa! Last year mothers’ day, when I drove pass Pakpay3, the place was choked with husbands and children giving their mothers, daughters, side chics and wives a treat. When it was fathers’ day, nobody knew what was happening. It was rather the akpeteshie drinking spots that were choked with people who make promises they don’t mean. On fathers’ day 2017, my wife served me with kokonte and amani head inside groundnut soup! Meanwhile when it was her turn, mothers’ day the same year, I sent her to Movinpik to eat o and bought her a nice fabric from woodin! Last year, I pretended I forgot it was mothers’ day and she later accused me with the following remarks: ‘see my mumu husband o; he would never celebrate me on mothers’ day’. She forgot the ones I have done before o, hmmm! No wonder nowadays, when people are about getting married the first thing they buy for their wives is a ‘pin’. Because there is that time in the life of the marriage when SOME wives could tell you ‘you sef, when you married me, what have you ever done for me; even pin, I didn’t get’. So when it gets to that time in the marriage, please make reference to the pin you bought for her o bcos on such an occasion a pin becomes more expensive than a car – it is symbolic!

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Anyway when I wished my own 80-year old mother a ‘happy mothers’ day, she was wondering what was happening’! In her mind I could perceive her asking herself: ‘where from this one too?’ bcos they didn’t know about it at their time!

Joseph Asibi Bash aka Commander of an Asafo Company in Policekrom near Konongo in the Ashanti Region, I greet you o. If you had joined the Police like Shibey did, by now you be ACP Bashir! Hahahahaha!

As for me I know two people who are COPs now and can get the top post and very capable too but one of them won’t get it! But you see, knowing the maturity demonstrated by the ‘Appointer’ in matters like this on some occasions, I won’t also be surprised if he gives the job to him. The only ‘problem’ is that if he gets the post, criminals won’t be happy bcos by the mention of the appointee’s name, criminals will panic. Ei Musician Kofi B, it’s been a long time since you released a nice song o, hahahahahahaha! One of the songs Kofi B the musician himself likes about another artiste is Lumba’s ‘Y3ntie Obiaa’! Hahahahahaaa!

I joined a trotro bus from Achimota to Amasaman on Easter Monday and the driver was recklessly driving and overtaking other vehicles ‘by hat’. Some of us the passengers complained but he no mind us sef. He only continued his recklessness. Then from afar, we could see some policemen ahead and threatened to report his misconduct to the police when we got there. He was not perturbed one bit! His remarks were like ‘tweeaaaa…as for these ones, they can’t do foko in their black uniforms; if it were the green ones anka…ehern…omu huy3hu’! Really? I was not surprised at the fact that that is how many of us motorists think.

Last Tuesday, a private driver just parked his car in the middle of a feeder road somewhere and talking on phone; yes it is good to park while talking on phone but to obstruct others, was a No No! He would not allow me to pass. When I blew the horn beckoning him to pull over so I could pass, he only threw his hands at me in an apparent insulting manner for me to fly over his car! Eish! I just wondered if he could have done so some 20 years ago with or without the presence of the police, who born dawg!

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This recklessness on our roads? Eish! Can’t we get soldiers on our major roads? Ah when you talk right now, democracy, human rights and CSO pipos will say this and that and indiscipline is killing our society rapidly! Ah!

At least we fear the green green uniform more. After all, our soldiers have not been fighting any wars and we don’t expect them to fight any war soon locally or abroad apart from the peace-keeping they go to in some other stubborn countries; let’s make use of the soldiers on our roads er. The ‘wars’ on our roads need to be fought by just their physical ‘green green presence’. Drivers fear the green uniform or we should change the uniforms of the police pipos to green if that would do the trick. In the full glare of the men in black or white, drivers keep misbehaving and when the ‘difficult’ police pipos refuse to accept the ‘do’ for a driver’s misbehavior, that driver knows somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody….and phone calls are placed here and there for their release – kind of a reverse culture, I call it!

Have you ever been to a party where the aroma from the meals smell so nice but when you eat you don’t really taste what you smelt? Not that the food is not as nice o; it is bcos there are may be some evil people around who, instead of eating the food physically, will use their eyes to pick the flavor from the meat, the stew and the sweetness from the drinks. So by the time you eat, they had finished the nutritious part already. All you may be eating is just like placebo in paracetamol! It happened to me last easter in my hometown! My relatives from Russia Sukura were all present and the guys from Kisseman did that thing la! Torga and co, I greet your spiritual eyes oo hahahahahahaha! Boys be bad. You will never see them eating; they eat the nutrition from your food with their eyes so you will not enjoy what you are eating.

Tomorrow is Saturday and if your husband tells you he has a funeral to attend, tell him you want to go some. You would like to accompany him. It happened to me recently when she insisted on going to the funeral with me in Kordiabe. I changed my mind; I said I don’t think I want to go again.

If you don’t use your head, your body will suffer! Hahaaaaaa!

May God be with us all with His favour, Grace and MERCY, (not the Barsa one)…hahahahahaha!

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