European Blukutu

If you supported the Croatian President Madam Kolinda Grabar-K against the English Prime Minister, Madam Theresa May (even though we are in July) in the semi finals match last Wednesday, you should know by now that the women Presidents are leading well as against the too-known male leaders. However, if after supporting Croatia and you are thinking of applying for a visa to the UK next month, please wait small. The other alternative is that when submitting your particulars, take a selfie of yourself wearing a red jersey with three lions (live ones) and a red arm band. Apply some Chinese ROBB on your eyes and appear to be crying as a way of mourning England so they would think you sympathized with them. Otherwise, me and you would remain here at Ashaiman and never know our way to Heathrow!

I will pretend I supported England bcos I want to visit the Queen in August and don’t want to be bounced visa again. You remember how they bounced me before? The interviewer (consular) asked me if I have travelled abroad before to which I responded ‘YES’. She continued: ‘to where?’ and I replied: ‘Togo’. The speed with which she bounced me still remains in my memory. Abeg, British Embassy, na joke I dey joke o, I am coming there next week for a two-week visa to go and chill small! Y3nbr33y3!

Russia 2018 World Cup is now like a concoction of European countries (European Blukutu). See them: France (Africa-in-Europe), Croatia (Europe), Belgium (Europe), England (everybody knows)! The Southern American giants are home now drinking tea! As for the African countries, they have forgotten there is even an on-going tournament. They are back drinking ogbornor soup and supporting the ‘Africa United’ team (France)!

When people say: ‘oh they had so many chances but failed to score’, it amazes me; Are the opponents sleeping to allow every chance to be converted? If all chances in the game of football should be converted, don’t you think we would be on our way to volleyball scores: 40:34? Just asking o, yoo. Stop insulting me in your head, Bra Stephen Korlettey!

The world cup will be over by Sunday, God willing. My personal bet is on Croatia to surprise the world with the trophy. They’ve been consistent with their wins. Come to think of it, why do winners in the 3rd and fourth places celebrate their victory when they place 3rd yet those who place second in the grand finale cry when they lose against the ultimate winners? I don’t understand human beings o.

Your colleagues placed 3rd and jubilated; you placed second and cried! What should Auntie Mercy, C.Ro, Naman, and the big boys do then? God forgive you for your ingratitude and crying on top after all that God has done to bring you this far. We shall see who celebrates tomorrow and who cries on Sunday! If Africa (France) wins, I would be happy but I wish Croatia should win. It is only a wish o; I have no control. See these funny names in the world cup 2018 o. I luv this one: Mbapp3 (France), Vida (is he English or Croatian?), Company [Belgian] (only God knows who his board of directors are). Hope you remember a former Nigerian national team in the 1990s at one of the tournaments. Commentator goes like: Odeneku passes the ball to Okenedu’. You won’t even know who is passing the ball to who again until you see the numbers at the back of their jerseys! Only football can make us know the unheard names in the world and that includes Uzbekistan! Christiano Ronaldo, welcome to Juventus. If football were rocket science, by now Portugal would have won Russia 2018!

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Fine man Lokako, I greet you o. The man who scores when you don’t expect him to and will spoil the chances when it’s most crucial to score! I am talking as if I can play soccer aaama. Oh yes, I used to play in my school team when they didn’t have any useful human being to feature in football matches.  No wonder we never won any match in which I played. I was a defender. All the goals scored against my school passed through me including own goals especially when our goal keeper was annoying me by shouting at me: ‘come back, come back, come back and take cover’. Me? Soccer? Take cover? Hmmm!

Last year, before I repented from doing evil this year in guest houses, I had a very bad experience and you need to be careful with the young men and women who take care of guest houses.

Don’t dash them money o; your magnanimity may work against you eventually. Usually I would make the girl take the lead or I take the lead and give the room number out so that nobody will see us walking together; that one is easily deniable. If nobody sees you walking together into a guest room, you are better off. I don’t know what happened and this time we came out of my car and walked together, hand in hand. It was my regular place of ‘prayers’ so the girl who takes care of the place knows me very well bcos I tip her anytime I visited the place to ‘pray’. Upon seeing us together, she warmly welcomed us with a warm smile and offered to carry the bag of my my my…ohhhh aahhhh! Won’t she just keep quiet and go? She was now asking me: ‘ei long time o; since two weeks ago that you came with that girl with rashes on her face, I have not seen you again. Ei, how is she now?’ All of this in the presence of my new eyi o; which one concern her?

God forgive us our ‘useful’ sins! Amen! I am glad I have stopped, temporarily!

Why is it that some people go to the washroom and leave it in such a way that the next person that comes to use it finds it in a very bad taste? Leave the washroom in such a way that the next person would not have regret for coming there. That’s why when I am using my car, I make sure I don’t over-use it so that when I sell it to the next person he would not have any regrets. It is the same rules that apply to when befriending girls. Make sure you leave them in such a state that the person who…….hahaiii! …..Case close! What is it you no hear before? Make I walker pass sef!

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Watch out for fraudsters in town o, Sis. When you are desperately looking for a job that pays thousands of dollars, beware of the source of recruitment! Because free food in the wrong belly gives diarrhoea o, yoo!

One of my best friends recently called me to tell me about a job he just secured after a skype interview with one whiteman and one black man. He was excited he got a lifetime job that will only require a grader to move him from that job until he retires. He ran to my office and showed me the letter with a lot of excitement. The salary was $6,000 and his position was CHIEF MARKETING OFFICER in an oil and gas Company. We quickly picked the calculator to check the dollar rate. Wow! He had earlier called to ask his wife to fast and pray. The woman prayed aaaa till she got ulcer from fasting.

What baffled us was that he was asked to pay GHC2,000 to the recruitment agency through a certain account number they gave out.

We quickly drove to the Company’s office around the airport polo ground. It was when we got there that we were told it was a scam! My friend immediately lost appetite. His wife, upon hearing this fainted bcos she was imagining how they were going to be travelling to Dubai on holidays with such fat salary. She was imagining how she was going to use part of her husband’s salary to do her cloth business at Makola and develop their land at Kasoa.

My friend himself until we got there, was imagining how they would drive his official Toyota Highlander all the way to Tongo to visit Grandpa and show him how faithful God has been!

Interestingly they called him again asking for the recruitment service charge of GHC2,000. He feigned interest and called the scammers as to how he would pay the money. (It was obvious they did not know he had uncovered their pranks). My friend insisted on meeting them so he can physically pay them. He asked them to meet him in front of the Police Headquarters for the money to be handed to them! Come and see and hear insults and curses being rained on my friend from these scammers! After that they switched their phone off. Beware o, yoo!

Life has become so hard (of course it has always been like that) such that people are finding crude ways of making money. Beware of fraudsters especially if they start making monetary demands before giving you a job o.

Enough of this nonfa. Come to think of it, what at all were those Thailand boys and their master going to do in the cave?

Happy weekend to all the people who supported Croatia against England; your visa to London is waiting for you. We shall see!

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