In the introductory feature of this article, we looked at the general ingredients required to mine gold from our relationships. Now we want to look beyond the lens into what makes it happen.
As we go about our daily activities, we find that the majority of them are reliant on human interaction. We also had the clarity that it needs to start with YOU. What is your imagination and anticipation before initial interactions? What are your thoughts when you start the interaction? Do you have a goal or a purpose for having the conversation? Are you mindful of the benefits of your interaction? What exactly about you makes you relevant enough to cause someone to want to establish a relationship with you? How do you manage your relationships to grow gold? The key word within this section is VALUE!
Let me emphasize this point. In the successful establishment and nurturing of any relationship, you are the most important factor at every point in time. You are responsible for the control of your thoughts, your utterances and your gestures which can either grow your relationships or slow your relationships. Are you self- aware? Are you conscious about your emotions, abilities and weaknesses? Aristotle rightly said that “we are what we repeatedly do”. Over time, we have developed habits unconsciously. However, to consciously grow your relationships, you must develop a conscious habit of knowing yourself and discarding some old behaviors that will not fit your purpose. There is the need to readjust periodically depending on the environment in which you find yourself.
So now let us delve deeper into the self-awareness context. My first question to you on the journey of self-awareness is who are you? If you do not know who you are what are you bringing to the table of your relationships? The key is this: Be willing to look deep within yourself to ask the hard questions and accept the challenging or disappointing facts about yourself. The first step to become more self-aware is acknowledging, accepting and appreciating your strengths and weaknesses and making a deliberate effort to elevate both sides. In your relationships, everything you think you know about yourself and that which you do not know will be challenged. The survival of your relationship is dependent on your responses not your reactions. Remember, you cannot give what you do not have. For instance, if you are naturally not a warm person, sooner or later, you will find people who will notice it and point it out. Until you make the effort to address what is internally within you, you cannot expect to see positive results externally. The concept of self-awareness is highly reliant on your mindset. Your mindset is the mine for your gold. An essential part of being mindful and self-aware is to have focus and allow yourself to experience the things that happen to you. Discover, go deep, be deliberate and nurture your mind to be more intentional. You are a product of your environment, so, it is pertinent to feel the motions, learn the lessons and release the things that do not make you grow.
Next is self development. After you have gained a good sense of who you are, you can begin to develop parts of you little by little. The habit of admitting that you do not know it all and being willing to accept help is one of the effective ways of building your confidence. In your work space, you may be asked to talk on certain issues, you may be assigned certain tasks and the need to prove yourself can be overwhelming. Remember that it is a journey and along the way the road may be bumpy, but you can always jump the hurdles. Some of the key skills and habits you need in developing yourself are practices that need dedication and consistency. Another side of self-development is addressing the things that reduce your value. Are you disciplined? Do you do what you say you will do? Are you courageous? Can you ask questions? What do you bring to any relationship that you are in, whether in your life, love and business? When you know your vision and understand how the relationships you are in can get you to where you need to be, you will find the things that you need to develop about yourself. Are you willing to read books to gain more knowledge on a topic of interest that is valuable to someone you are trying to maintain a relationship with? What do you value in life and what are you doing daily to get those things done? So let us look at 4 C’s that can further consolidate our digging deep into our self and reaching across to grow gold in our relationships:
At every opportunity I get, I have to reemphasize that our communication is 93% skewed away from the words that we speak. Our body language (non-verbal) creates context and our words (create content). Now when we come to the 7% of words I would like to start with how we receive communication. The practice of learning to listen during a conversation for instance is very vital. As humans, we like to be heard. During a conversation, be deliberate about listening “first to understand and then be understood”. Do not assume you know what the person is driving at and jump to give an answer. It helps to make mental notes and if possible physical notes of the points you would like to touch on and tactfully address each one when you are done listening.
Everybody communicates, but very few people connect. Have you ever found yourself in a conversation where the person seemed to have no interest in listening to what you have to say? “Connecting is the ability to relate to and identify with people in such a way that it increases your influence with them” – John C Maxwell. The content of your communication influences the degree of your connection with others. In connecting with people, your knowledge about them is very relevant, if not more relevant. Connecting with people requires that you buy into what the other person in the relationship finds relevant. The way and manner in which you communicate is highly relevant. Are your words saying one thing and your facial expression saying another thing? What are the choices of words that communicate your interest in the other person’s business? Now, it is clear that what you communicate and the connection you have in your relationships influences your credibility.
Do you do as you say? Are you honest about your intentions? Do you constructively give your criticisms and do you go all out in celebrating their victories? What is your sitting posture communicating about your credibility? When you stand up tall and straight, you send a message of self-assurance, authority and energy. “Whether standing or sitting, imagine a string gently pulling your head and spine toward the ceiling. Your weight is evenly balanced, feet solidly on the floor, arms and hands visible, relaxed and uncrossed. Good posture creates a dynamic presence and non-verbally communicates an attitude of leadership, command and readiness.” – Darlene Price. Do you sustain at least two seconds of eye contact with the person you are speaking to? “What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.”-Ralph Waldo Emerson
How considerate are you when it comes to your relationships? Consideration is a universal life principle that when mastered can take our relationships to the next level. People love to be given consideration in terms of value of time, space and other resources. It is one of the key values that requires preparation and anticipation before the engagement with another. It taps into our emotional quotient to say think about this person before you think about yourself.
Nurturing your relationships requires effective communication for influence, making a connection with the person you are communicating with, building credibility in your sphere of influence and considering the needs of the person you are communicating with above your own. Each of these steps requires a deliberate effort to build mastery in them. Start growing gold!
Are you ready for TRANSFORMATION?
Dzigbordi K. Dosoo: The H.E.L.P. Coach
Dzigbordi K. Dosoo is a Certified High Performance Coach, Global Speaker, Media Personality and award-winning Entrepreneur.
She is the Founder of Dzigbordi K. Dosoo (DKD) Holdings; the mother company that holds Dzigbordi Inc. & Allure Spa in The City. These brands provide services in Personal Impact & Development, Corporate Consulting, Wellness & Grooming.
Her coaching, seminars and training has helped many organizations and individuals to transform their image and impact, elevate their engagement and establish networks leading to improved and inspired teams, growth and productivity.
Her area of focus is Humanness, Entrepreneurship, Leadership and Power (H.E.L.P).