In this fourth segment of our Grow Gold series we go into the fourth stage of the process of growing gold in our relationships. Relationships go through four very key processes. There is an acquisition stage, an experience stage, an engagement stage and a connection stage which translates into a consolidation stage which becomes the stage where a relationship is established.
Normally in the acquisition stage, you are just breaking the ice and everything is beginning to happen. The experience stage is when you are wading in the waters and know people. The engagement stage places you in the position where you get to know the person you are interacting with and then a connection is established which we may call a light or a fire. Everything that happens in all the 4 stages is all peripheral until the relationship is consolidated. A lot of people view relationships as nature but the consolidation of relationships is actually nurture.
It is when the connection is now grounded. In this fourth stage, we are going to look at ways in which that connection becomes grounded. There are two main ways in which we align relationships. We align them to the likes of growing a plant, where the plant starts as a seed. There are various ways in which we grow that plant. You put in the various nutrients and watch it with tolerance and endurance because some plants can come out of the ground beautifully and wilt and you will have to go back again and then you would have to grow the plant back starting with a seed and putting in some fertilizer before it grows again. Before it becomes a tree, there is a long process it must undergo.
The other alignment is when you go through the mining to get gold. What comes out actually looks black but what you need is a process of polishing. We look at both alignments and bring out the polished gold. People can be likened to these processes. You have to take them as raw as they come and polish them. In each alignment, there are processes that we have looked at from different angles in the first 3 series. Through self-awareness in the acquisition stage, we have walked through areas as to how to develop yourself to know people and to get to know to make connections all through building rapport.
We have reached the stage where we will learn how to move from nature to nurture. This involves a process which requires what we call moving from decoding yourself through knowing yourself and self developing and going on to encode them with novelty, knowledge and substance and finding ways to keep them in high momentum and excitement over time. Even in stages of boredom, in stages of challenge or trouble there are different ways to make these people go through and challenge the real essence of the relationship to elevate beyond its standard. The best relationships in this world are not the ones that were gotten simply through charm, but they are the ones that are gotten through challenge, the relationships that are decoded and encoded. These are the relationships that go through the workings of influence, persuasion, novelty and stages that get to many years of consolidation.
Here are 4 key points to boost the consolidation stage of relationships:
You need to stay interactive to nurture relationships by keeping constant communication going. The first step to this is decoding. Decoding a person requires effort and not only listening to a person’s words but reading their body language and micro expressions. Micro expressions are not peculiar to certain individuals. They occur as involuntary expressions of a person’s true emotions. A few of them are anger, contempt, happiness, fear, surprise, disgust and sadness. They are usually hard to hide as they occur in unconscious repression in the mind. Being able to detect these little tweaks in a person’s facial expression and mood can be an added skill when it comes to social human interactions.
According to Dr. Ekman, being able to apply your knowledge in detecting micro expressions will improve your relationships by nurturing your capacity to empathize and understanding people by aligning what you hear them say and what is expressed in their body language. When you are properly aligned with the information you are receiving from a person, you are one step ahead in understanding what they are communicating to you. That way, you can rid yourself of assumptions and give a clever response rather than a reactive one. One significant thing to note is that, when you respond properly, it establishes a more enlightened connection which matures into consolidation when your take time to nurture it.
After you have managed to decode an individual and understand their way of communication, the next step is to be ingenious about the content of your communication. The reality is that business relationships are just like any other relationships. The same amount of work is required to sustain them. In building long lasting relationships, it is important to always be of value and bring something new to the table. Your value can be found in the substance and the content of your communication. This process can be likened to having a product whose brand you have introduced to a certain group of people. Even though you are known, it is important to engage your market with commercials and new findings, sometimes even promotions.
In the same way, when the aim is to maintain a long lasting relationship, boredom may creep in and innovation must be at the core of what you communicate. Take some time to do something new for yourself or with the other individual to give you something fresh to focus on for another mile. “Without strong relationships, it is impossible to have success as a business owner,” says Michael Denisoff, founder and CEO of Denisoff Consulting Group. Is your communication teaching anything new? Is your communication interactive? More importantly, you need to be interested in what the other individual is interested in and has to offer. There is a sense of trust that is established when a person feels that you are looking out for them.
Credibility or trust is one of the basic blocks on which a long lasting relationship is built, and without it, the entire grand structure may slowly fall apart. Are you able to follow through with actions when you say something? Can people trust your word? When you make a commitment or promise, deliver on it. This is one of the surest ways to build credibility. If people can trust your word, they can entrust you with their time, business and money. Trust is earned over time. Take the pains to build trust in your relationships to be more effective.
Authenticity is key. According to an article by Neil Patel, statistics say that 63% of people buy from authentic brands, compared to brands that hide their ‘true selves’. One effective way to be credible is to be the best version of yourself and build your integrity. Be yourself as freely as you can but know your boundaries.
What do you value in life, what do you stand for? One of the best relationships anyone can have is with themselves, and with that, you can properly channel the same lessons in dealing with other people. If you are in constant honest communication with yourself, you will first be true to yourself and then to others. Whatever defect or rot is in you often does not stay hidden for long. So, detect the cracks and fill in where you lack. When you make a mistake, be bold in admitting it and going to turn the blunder into an opportunity. Being defensive about your flaws gives the impression that you are unwilling to learn and people have a hard time trusting such people.
Nurturing your relationship ‘tree’ is a painstaking effort which demands time and care. As you apply these 4 key points to consolidate your relationship gold, you will all begin to reap great mutual benefits.
Are you ready for TRANSFORMATION?
Dzigbordi K. Dosoo: The H.E.L.P. Coach
Dzigbordi K. Dosoo is a Certified High Performance Coach, Global Speaker, Media Personality and award-winning Entrepreneur.
She is the Founder of Dzigbordi K. Dosoo (DKD) Holdings; the mother company that holds Dzigbordi Inc. & Allure Spa in The City. These brands provide services in Personal Impact & Development, Corporate Consulting, Wellness & Grooming.
Her coaching, seminars and training has helped many organizations and individuals to transform their image and impact, elevate their engagement and establish networks leading to improved and inspired teams, growth and productivity.
Her area of focus is Humanness, Entrepreneurship, Leadership and Power (H.E.L.P).